Salmonella Madness

People keep asking me: Queen of Useless Knowledge, what's the deal with these deadly tomatoes? Should I fear for my life? Can something as innocuous and sweet as a little tomato, so full of anti-oxidants and helpful amino acids really hurt me?

So, a quick summary of this panic drawn from a variety of news sources and the CDC itself:

• The first cases of salmonella caused by a rare strain of the bacteria (salmonella saintpaul) were reported in April - many of them here in the southwest. Since then over 1000 people have gotten sick (one 80 year old cancer patient died - I don't make this stuff up). Officials began tracking their food intake and found many of them had eaten a risky foreign dish called "fresh salsa". Warnings against tomatoes were issued in early June, particularly red, round tomatoes (FDA wording, not mine) and Roma tomatoes - and the hunt for the perpetrators was on. Farmers and distributors were hard hit almost immediately, since tomatoes have a very short shelf life, and it can take weeks to test for the salmonella bacteria. The industry says the advisory has already cost them over $100million. These criminal fruits had to be found.


• Tomatoes can become addicted to, I mean contaminated with, Salmonella in one of two ways: either the tomato is immersed in cold, contaminated water and the bacteria enters through the wound where the stem was removed (the "nurture" theory of deviant behavior), or contaminated water comes in to contact with the stem or flower while the fruit is on the plant (the "nature" theory). The bacteria is not just on the skin, so washing the fruit will not remove the contamination. No matter how much bleach you use (ask some restaurant owners - they're trying). You would have to cook your tomato at over 145º for 10 minutes to break the addiction - er -kill the bacteria - and cooks agree that pretty much negates the "fresh" in "fresh salsa".


• About 2 weeks after the advisory was issued, experts realized that tomatoes could possibly be innocent in this whole fiasco. The FDA did not lift the advisory, however, since they couldn't prove it to be wrong (of course, they couldn't prove it to be right, either, but the 'reasonable doubt' clause doesn't apply to salad or salsa ingredients - an egregious hole in the bill of rights, if you ask me).


• As recently as June 27th, the CDC has been profiling jalapenos, cilantro and serrano chiles as possible culprits. They are known associates of the tomato in salsas and other exotic foods such as burritos, tacos and chalupas. Not to mention that their harvesting pattern more closely fits the outbreak's profile than any tomato. It is possible that salmonella saintpaul is being dealt in Mexican kitchens, farms and processing plants as a way to keep vegetables hooked on illegal substances.


• Basically, no one has a freaking clue where these delinquents are getting this stuff, or how they're smuggling it into the usually-bacteria free United States. But the tomato remains on the most wanted list.


• Since the outbreak was officially reported in May, according to the CDC's own statistics, there have been an additional 466,000 cases of salmonella not related to the outbreak - 13,000 of which would have lead to the identification of a cause not reported to the public via panicked media presenters. If it is the tomato, than it's 1000 victims constitute .07% of the cases of Salmonella poisoning occurring in this year. That's definitely worth bankrupting the tomato industry over.

But it isn't worth denying me my right to freakin' fresh salsa! Viva la revolucion! I'm gonna have a caprese sandwich, just to show I ain't afraid!

As an aside, salmonella got it's name because it was discovered by veterinary pathologist Daniel Elmer Salmon as the cause of hog cholera. It causes a disease called salmonellosis. You can, in fact, get it from turtles and iguanas. Children in developing countries without the CDC or FDA naturally develop antibodies against the bacteria. Hmmmm.