The Japanese Art of Ear Sex

To start off, thanks to Heidi and Dennis for their introduction to this fascinating and potentially erotic subject.

You see, Heidi-ho and Denner were kind enough to cook me a fabulous dinner on my very auspicious birthday (princes among men, I tell you), and even went a little further in purchasing me a neatly packaged, hooked bamboo stick with a fish on the end: a mimikaki stick. Mimikaki is a traditional Japanese grooming technique in which you use a bamboo stick to remove the cerumen from your aural canal.

For those of you who don't keep your dictionary handy, this boils down to ear wax removal. And, evidently, the Japanese find it very sexy.

Although this could be easily explained by the medical fact that somewhere along the line of genetic evolution, Asians and Native Americans have developed a dry, flaky ear wax that is easily removed with the use of a simple picking motion. Or, one could take the approach even further back and talk about how all other primates use grooming (including earwax and nasal discharge) as a social activity to communicate everything from affection to dominance.

Or, you could just say that some societal groups have odd fetishes and mating rituals. Case in point: text-messaging.

Although mimikaki is practiced in the home - mom might clean out baby's ear, little girl may be asked to help grandpa with his itchy ears - the highest form of the art is generally agreed to be practiced by mimikaki salons. Traditionally, this involved well-to-do business men resting their heads in the laps of attractive young women who then use a variety of techniques - including the all-important bamboo stick - to clean out their flaky ear canal build-up. It seems these treatments often end with a massage, in an effort to bring a sense of total psychological well-being. Newer salons include mini-cameras and television monitors where you can view the state of your ear canal and watch your attendant's work.

New lines of high tech mimikaki equipment will even allow you and your loved one to practice this sexy grooming ritual at home - because the only thing better than looking at your ear wax on the q-tip is seeing it built up inside your head. Talk about psychological well-being.

Thanks, Heidi and Dennis. Watch for the future "how ear wax changed my sexlife" post.

In related but perhaps less useful news, many species of whale also have ear wax build-up. It seems that not only does it help their hearing, but it is deposited in distinct layers over the life of the animal and can be used (upon the poor whale's demise) to determine its age. Maybe whale mimikaki will sprout up as a new discipline, as female whales fight to stay looking and feeling younger...(or do you suppose that young whales would find ways to add layers of wax so they could buy fermented krill juice?)...

Oh, and you really can't miss this hot tune from the unreal Audiology Songs.