The Queen of Useless Knowledge - Reina de Conocimiento Inútil

Return of the King...

2011-06-28T09:57:00.010-07:00

Okay, so I'm no JRR Tolkein, Peter Jackson or - heck - even a dependable blogger. What I am, however, is the part-owner of something that is starting to vaguely look like a travel trailer...

Because it's been so long, let's do a little recap of the drama. First, in May of 2009 there was a heap of aluminum and rotted wood we named Gilbert...

On the outside (and in the photos posted on ebay), he looked pretty good - relatively free of the rust and rot so many older trailers are cursed with. Inside, however...

It was clear upon closer inspection that something wasn't quite right, or more correctly, it wasn't quite square. So, we started to look a little closer...

And the more we looked, the worse things got. It was clear that this was NOT going to be just the "clean up and go" operation we were hoping for.

An impact to one of the corners combined with some slipshod alterations had compromised the seals - and once that happened, that most dreaded of agents was allowed into the walls: moisture. Enough moisture to rot wood and insulation, and enough to encourage the grass to grow inside the walls.
True to form, Gary decided that the job was not worth doing if it wasn't worth doing well. And that meant a complete gut-pluck-and-reconstruct. We had no clue the kind of odyssey we'd embarked upon.

First, we had to strip the siding inside and out, remove the cabinets and fixtures, then begin re-framing the walls where needed (which was about 60%). The result was a work of modern art in my backyard - fascinating but hardly useful as shelter.

Once we stabilized the walls so that we didn't feel like we could be crushed by a light rain, we added new insulation to keep Gary from getting cold in the evil outdoors. Shiny. At least the material doubles as a backpacking toy!

Monsoon season set in, threatening to further destabilize the operation, hence the trailer mu-mu. Even in a fetching green!

Upgraded digs...for the trailer anyhow. I know it doesn't look much like it, but this is progress.

Ah, yes, the crime of painting the trailer with latex house paint - one Gary could not endure. That man stripped every scrap of paint from this hide. Yup. That took a while.

Replaced a bunch of the rotted wood paneling with shiny new skins. Of course, that made the remaining wood look pretty rough.

Been upgraded from a work of modern art to a tool shed. Something told me we were heading down a dangerous road with this one.

Skin back on, stripped of the offending latex, Masonite windows (classy). But now what? How do you clothe a king? Hmm...that'll take some time. Like from April 2010 to...

...February 2011. No king has ever had a finer primer coat. It was time, however, to let our boy go for a ride. He'd need a professional to get that fine coat of paint to match that beauty primer.

He's back, he's painted, and now the restoration team is working on finishing touches, like...

Windows...and

a floor, and a fresh coat of finish on that old paneling...

Looking pretty spry for an old dog - maybe he'll even be ready for his first trip out to Glacier next month. Stay tuned - it could get VERY interesting!

Update on King Gilbert's Progress

2010-04-15T11:00:00.002-07:00

As you can guess, being that it's Gary's busy season at work, he hasn't had the kind of time he'd like to for working on the King. However, inch by inch, millimeter by blinking millimeter, we creep towards a functional trailer.

He's getting the last of the skins back on - which at this stage means bending the corners to overlap properly and using a staple gun to tack the aluminium to the wood frame. Hey - wait - that means there's a strong wood frame to tack it to! That's a HUGE improvement from the original (see pics from last year!)...

A close-up of that bending action. I'm so glad it's him doing it. There's no way I'd have the patience for it. Just looking at the thing makes me twitchy...

And here we have some of Gary's handywork with Bondo! Yes - that magical mixture is patching some of the uglier blemishes in the King's aging armor. In the end, his skin should be as smooth and as shiny as an infant's. Of course, a metalic infant, and one who is drug behind a car at 75mph - but an infant none the less!

Inside, Gilbert is also looking quite smashing... I mean, take away Gary's work bench, tools and junk, and you've got a pretty intact wood paneled interior! Look past the fact that there are no doors, no windows, almost no cabinets and no furniture! It's a masterpiece ;)

So, we keep dreaming of one day hitching the old man to the back of the truck and heading out into the great unknown like a couple of kids... Sleeping snug in the aluminum embrace of a good friend. Peace, Quiet, Nature. Here's the dream:

King Glibert in his new tent...

2009-10-15T07:59:00.003-07:00

A little behind on keeping all informed of Gilbert's progress... Toward the end of the monsoon season, I grew realized that at the pace we were moving on the trailer restoration, we may not get it done before I died. Gary blamed this largely on the fact that he had nowhere to work and the threat of rain made him hesitate to "uncover" the king while he was working. So, I decided to buy the old man a tent to live in. Behold, the Palace of King Gilbert the Land Commander:

Well, so it's not exactly Buckingham - but it has served it's purpose marvelously! Progress has picked up.

Ooh! Look! Bare skin! Just think - one whole wall - actually looking and functioning like...a wall!

Another project update - the King Continues...

2009-09-17T15:49:00.003-07:00

So, work on the king continues, often thwarted by weather and stiffling heat... For Gary, however, this is sort of the ultimate project: when he gets bored of stripping paint, he installs insulation; when he gets bored of that, he can add more framing pieces; when that's old, he can bondo holes and smooth out dents; when he's high on bondo, he can go inside and get a bigger high off of the laquer thinner on the panneling; it NEVER ends!

I just pray to whatever saint presides over travel trailers and interminable projects that it does, someday, start to look more like a place to live and less like modern art in the making...

So here is the insulation he's installing. In some cases, the old insulation came out with the crumbling wall, but on this side (as you can see) he's just supplementing the old insulation. I see warm toasty nights in the forest in our future...

Here is an interior shot. This will someday, in some way, become our boudoir. Hmph. That's the new panneling for the wall which deteriorated.

Here's the section he's completed stripping. We were thinking originally it could be nice to leave it bare metal, but it's really not in good enough condition, and now we're thinking it will probably be better painted (read: stripping all the paint off is a huge pain in the pumkin, which is probably why someone else just painted over the old stuff in the first place).
Inside - Gary is already threatening to quit early and make this his new workshop. Ain't gonna happen. You ever see a woman open a can o' whoop ass on a trailer? Just wait!
Wiring - Gary decided that this was the better way to do it. Of course, it takes longer, requires more tools and is probably unnecessary... But, this is Gary we're talking about here...
I think it might be better to tow it with the truck, though the image of Gary in a leather harness strapped to this thing and pulling it down the road gets me through many difficult nights working on the trailer...
Very Mondrian, wouldn't you say? The framing is all complete on the collapsed wall. And it's straight. Don't look to close - it is. Just trust in Gary.

The front also needed new framing. Heck, the whole trailer was little more than a rotted shell. Great buy. All hail the king!

Everything needs to be rebuilt - including the kitchen sink!

Here's the project site. Actually, we finally got around to getting a "real" cover for ol' Gilbert... That's for the next post, however...

My back yard. SO real Arizona.

Update on the Wendy Project...

2009-09-16T17:10:00.011-07:00

That would be, my attempt to get the world to "do the Wendy" with me!

My first attempt was at Antelope Canyon in northern Arizona. This was highly successful due to the fact that it is a) a popular tourist attraction and b) sort of a captive audience. I think half of the folks in this shot didn't even speak enough English to know what was going on- but they had a great time anyway! (Maybe they think 'doing the Wendy' is some sort of new yoga move!)

Antelope Canyon - June 2009

My second was less of a smash - due to there being few people to join me in the remote wilderness of Mt. Lemmon. Okay, not so remote, but not a well traveled weekend. I'm pretty sure this guy would have been doing the Wendy if he only had arms, though.

Then I went rappelling at the Practice Wall up on Mt. Lemmon. SO cool! Surviving that was enough to make everyone feel victorious. I particularly like the extra bit of spark the girl on the right gave her pose! There's a girl who's just waiting to find her own signature move...

Mt. Lemmon - Aug. 2009

Occasionally, I get sent photos of other people doing the Wendy on their own, and I STRONGLY encourage this kind of reckless and crazy behavior. Just make sure you're not smacking anyone in the face while trying...

Angela does her Wendy on the AZ Trail! You go, girl!

Shannon and her 'big sis' work together to create a Wendy in Kohler Andre State Park. I LOVE teamwork! They've definitely perfected the way to do it without striking close friends in the face!

Then those who are more direct in they're imitation:

Me at Havasu Falls in the Grand Canyon, Sept. 2009

And Joe Bartels in Salt Creek, also Grand Canyon Sept. 2009. Gotta give the guy credit - he practicaly invented the term "throw a Wendy"...

(at www.hikearizona.com - my favorite online community!)

I love the idea that not only are people thinking of me when they're in amazing places and having an amazing time - but they're having a GREAT time. The Wendy is about fun, the Wendy is about breaking down convention and social barriers. The Wendy is about getting down and celebrating being alive. I mean, come on, how much more togetherness can we all stand before we puke?

Havasu Falls - Sept. 2009

Because I swore off politics on facebook...

2009-09-08T15:49:00.003-07:00

I think this just about says it all.

Random Wisdom from People Our Age

2009-09-02T07:55:00.003-07:00

Let me preface this by saying I didn't write this. But whoever did was brilliant. And I agree with all of it. Except for #13. My four months working in the Bedding and Bath Department at Sears taught me something after all.

Random Thoughts From People Our Age:

1. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

2. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can
think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell
my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves
me.

3. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.

4. I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to
have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and
sticks when they've invented the lighter?

5. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're
going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to
be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the
direction from which you came, you have to first do something like
check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to
yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're
crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

6. That's enough, Nickelback.

7. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

8. Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know"
feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose
not to be friends with?

9. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't
work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically
fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all
know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards
or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

10. There is a great need for sarcasm font.

11. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the f** was going on when I first
saw it.

12. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually
becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting
90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's
laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little
bit20harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the
only one who really, really gets it.

13. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

14. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

15. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.

16. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to
finish a text.

17. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the
spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

18. Was learning cursive really necessary?

19. LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

20. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

21. Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron
test is absolutely petrifying.

22. My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads.
Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired
about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us."
Classy, bro.

23. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart",
all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

24. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

25. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up
to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

26. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in'
examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete
idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and
said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

27. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

28. While driving yester day I saw a banana peel in the road and
instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

29. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I
know how to get out of my neighborhood.

30. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.

31. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the
shower first and THEN turn on the water.

32. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever.

33. I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu'
to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an
overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."

34. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

35. Bad decisions make good stories

36. Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find o ut that their
profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got
the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if
I do!

37. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

38. If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring
would probably just be complet ely invisible.

39. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go
around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly
nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm f rom, this shouldn't
be a problem....

40. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything
productive for the rest of the day.

41. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't
want to have to restart my collection.

42. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

43. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me
if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I
swear I did not make any changes to.

44. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

45. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people
watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but wil l
they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't
watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and
leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

46. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and
goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone
and run away?

47. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not
seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

48. When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentio ning something she
hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light
internet stalking.

49. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle,
then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

50. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising
speed for pedophiles...

51. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,
but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

52. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
not know what time it is.

53. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

54. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.

55. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with=2 0it.

56. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the
Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze
button f rom 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time
every time...

57. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would
happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

58. It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and
the link takes me to a video instead of text.

59. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they d
rive behind obeys the speed limit.

60. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

61. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

62. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw
they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words,
someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think
about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people
eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by
myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard
before dinner.

Fun Summer Drinks...

2009-08-18T15:58:00.004-07:00

This web site tells us that it's okay to mix our beer with other stuff to make "beer cocktails" - even though it's perhaps a bit uncouth according to the American norm. Given my husband's love for the Mexican Michalada, I think this could be an idea that catches on. Here are some highlights:

Michelada

Freshly squeezed juice of 2-3 limes

12 oz. Mexican beer, like Corona

3 dashes Worcestershire sauce

2 dashes hot sauce, such as Tabasco

1/4 C Clamato or other tomato juice

Salt rim of beer mug and fill with ice. Add lime juice. Fill almost to top with beer and add Worcestershire, hot sauce, and Clamato. Garnish with lime wedge.

Shandy

6 ounces light beer

6 ounces lemonade (ginger ale and Sprite also work)

Combine, drink, repeat.

Boilermaker

1 pint beer

1-1/2 ounces whiskey

Drink together, with the whiskey as a chaser, or drop the shot glass in Irish Car Bomb-style.

Snakebite

1/2 pint lager

1/2 pint hard cider (optional)

1-2 shots of vodka Mix lager with cider. Attempt to remain upright.

Could result in things like this:

Do you know Pancho Barnes?

2009-08-12T11:02:00.003-07:00

No, it's not the name of another kitchy Mexican food restaurant in Phoenix, nor is "he" an old singing cowboy from the silver screen... Nope, Pancho is not only white, but a girl to boot - an amazing woman with an amazing story. Can't believe I'd never heard it before!

I came across the story of Pancho Barnes because a documentary on her life was being screened over at the Loft Cinema in Tucson, and some internet friends were spreading the word. We all know that if someone bothers to make a documentary of your life, than you've really accomplished something. Well, actually it usually means that you had some really great friends and lots of photographs taken of you - but it helps if you actually did something relatively interesting...

Pancho is best known as the owner of the Happy Bottom Riding Club, and for those of you who are as dense as I am, that was the famous "hangout" of the guys with the "right stuff" stationed at Edwards Air Force Base in Southern California. Chuck Yager, Jimmy Dolittle and Buz Aldrin all drank beer at her joint. She is credited with jump-starting the career of photographer George Hurrel, who pretty much defined the 1930's Hollywood glam shot. She hung out with movie stars and famous people of all sorts.

Portrait of Pancho by George Hurrel

But, she also had a pretty darned interesting life, long before becoming the "Mother of Edwards Airforce Base". She was born an heiress, Florence Leontine Lowe. She wasn't keen on the role of women as seen in 1920's America, and shortly after her parents had passed on and she inherited the family fortune, she left her husband (Barnes) and joined a banana boat crew in Mexico. Her adventures in Mexico were where she earned the nickname "Pancho", which she maintained the rest of her life.

Returning to America in 1928, she decided to try out flying lessons. By 1930, she was breaking records set by other female aviators, including Amelia Earhart. She worked as a stunt-pilot in the movies, which is when she began her Hollywood connections.

All this is pretty boring stuff compared to my usual pithy blog entries, I'll admit. Let's look at some of the more entertaining stories about Pancho:

1. Although she "left" her husband in 1928 to adventure, she was legally married to him until 1940. He was a reverand. While she was a pilot with a "barnstorming" show, she used to buzz his Sunday morning congregation.

2. Pancho was fond of saying, "When you have a choice, choose happy!"

3. Pancho was Lockheed's first female test pilot

4. One of the rules for "hostesses" at the Happy Bottom Riding club was "To be charming and pleasant to all guests, male or female. Don’t just go for the guy with the wavy hair."

5. In an early and entreprenurial recycling effort, Pancho obtained a contract to remove the food waste from the Army mess halls. Her ranch hands then cooked it into food for the pigs that were then slaughtered and sold back to the Army mess halls.

6. Pancho was an animal lover, and was constantly surrounded by dogs, cats, horses and livestock. Several pictures I have seen of her include her with famous celebrites and her dogs, with dirty paw prints all over everyone.

7. Pancho was inspired to learn to fly by memories of her Grandfather, Thaddeus Lowe, who was the Chief Aeronaut of President Abraham Linclon's Balloon Corps - essentially the first iteration of the existing Airforce. In later years, after the military evicted her from her ranch near Edwards by the airforce base, she used her family ties in her legal battle against Air Force, claiming "My grandfather founded the United States Air Force". She was eventually reinstated to her property and compensated over $300k.

Fun links for more info on Pancho, my new personal hero!

Tales from her friend Chuck Yager
The Wikipedia
And the documentary

Truck Farm

2009-08-03T09:50:00.004-07:00

A wonderful idea for urban farmers.

"RUCK FARM is a Wicked Delicate film + food project. Combining green roof technology, organic compost + heirloom seeds, we are creating a living story about growing a little food in a big city. Each "episode" is a partial excerpt of a larger film project, slated for completion in fall 2009. Visit www.wickedelicate.com to learn more, and stay tuned!"

Perhaps there IS a way to make use of Nelson, Gary's 1965 Ford Pickup truck. I think it'd grow fantastic artichokes and tomatoes!

Gate to Hell Discovered in Turkmenistan...

2009-07-09T12:39:00.003-07:00

Images taken from this web site prove it...

Okay, they're actually images of a place called Darvaza, or the "Burning Gates". Seems a 1950's Solviet drilling rig, searching for natural gas struck an underground cavern, resulting in a crater roughly 60 meters in diamatere and 20 meters deep. The natural gas is released in thousands of tiny vents all over the crater, and were set alight shortly after being discovered, as a safety measure. It has been burning ever since, filling the air with the smell of burning sulfer.

Pit BBQ anyone? All you need is a REALLY big grill and a couple thousand pounds of cow...

Whodda thought that the gates to the underworld would be found in a middle-eastern desert?

Where the Hell is Matt?

2009-07-08T14:37:00.004-07:00

If you love travel and exotic locations, and if you need to spend a little time away from your latest spreadsheet or Indesign file, then you defintely need to find out where the hell Matt is.

I'm not going to go into rabid detail here, since, well, his site does it better than I ever could. I will however embed a video - the same one I posted on my Facebook page - and tell you that if you missed it on facebook, you need to watch it here. You need to because putting a smile on your face is my mission today, and this is sure to do it.

Of course, it will be followed by feelings of intense jealousy that YOU didn't get to go click your heels in all these exotic locales, but whatever. The smile was what I was after, and I can't be held liable for any after affects.

It has inspired me. I'm going to start not only throwing "the Wendy" wherever I go, but trying to get as many strangers as I can to do it with me when I'm in amazing places. May not be as entertaining as Matt's little dance, but it's something I can do to make the world a smaller place (and entertain myself in the process). Just imagine it...

The only thing better would be if I (like Matt) could find a corporate sponsor who supports my travel habit in the name of fun photos and videos for the internet.

Yeah.

Something else that I dug up in the course of making this blog entry. Very interesting - something I never knew that I absolutely needed to know!

Work on the King continues...

2009-06-18T08:13:00.005-07:00

The latest on the evolution of the 62' Aristocrat Land Commander into a usable trailer...

Here's the new header that Gary made in place on the trailer. This piece not only keeps the walls up, but it also supports the ceiling members, so i't pretty key that it be intact. Of course, you remember the original, rotted and peeling piece, right?

Here's a close-up as good as I could get ot the way it attaches to the ceiling pieces. Can't really see how the groove works, though. Just too tight without removing the roof skin, which we'd rather avoid if we can.

Here's the new wall as it's getting framed out. The larger pieces run the length or width of the wall and hold everything up, the smaller ones are minor supports. When the new propane refrigerator was put in, these major framing members were simply cut and no additional support was provided. This is ultimately what caused the wall to sag.

The new supports are held on with biscuits and brads rather than the original metal strapping, hopefully making a more solid connection. We'll add the strapping, too, once the framing is done, and we'll likely add more/better insulation.

Here, G's put the skin back on because he realized that it was almost impossible to get the framing members in the right place without the skin as a reference. Since the skin's been removed a time or two already, it's not really "regular" anymore - so it takes a lot of tweaking to get everything to where it should be.

Here's the inside of that wall. You can see the large hole cut in the trailer for the refrigerator just under the window.

This is the wall that we took out to rebuild, just set against the opposite side of the trailer. All of the panneling for this wall will be replaced (you can see the corner of the replacement wood through the doorway).

The inside of the trailer/workshop. Gary's getting to pull out ALL of his cool tools and toys, not to mention buying a few more. Here's another look at the replacement panneling material purchased from Home Depot.

Here's the section of floor where the probelm refrigerator sat. If you can imagine, the skin was never quite correctly reinstalled, and this flooring edge was left somewhat exposed to the elements. It didn't quite rot away, but it was coming delaminated a bit. Nothing that about 50 staples into the structure below won't fix, right?

So, our analysis has come to 2 conclusions:

1. The Driver's side wall skin was removed at some time, most likely to install the propane refrigerator in the kitchen unit. Structural boards which made the wall a wall were cut without new supports being added. This alone would have compromised any integrity the weak little structure had in the first place. Then, the skin was replaced incorrectly using silicone sealant which leaked. The moisture from the leaky seal caused the header and footer to rot out - leaving what was left of the wall completely dependent upon a thin skin of aluminium for support. If you've ever stood on a soda can, you know what the result of this will be.

2. At some time, the rear driver's side corner sustained some sort of impact. This broke some of the framing, "scooted" other pieces out of alignment and also contributed to the leaking/rotting process. This is when the Bermuda Grass got in. Whether this made the aluminum can effect worse, or happened before it we can't really say. What we can say is that it means more demo, this time of the rear wall of the trailer:

However, what this seems to mean is the discovery of even more damage, since every piece we look in or under means more work!

Just a few fun images of what it's like living with the King in your back yard:

The Cause of Couscous and the Wha of Quinoa

2009-06-10T13:44:00.003-07:00

Turning back to the original intent of the blog, at least briefly, as much for my own sanity as the endless entertainment of my loyal followers...

So, as I was whipping up a batch of my favorite backcountry breakfast, couscous porridge with cherries and almonds, I found myself in a very interesting discussion of the nature of couscous. Now, for those of you who think that an interesting conversation about couscous would be impossible - you're clearly just not that into food lore (and therefore much in need of this blog). This relative new comer to American cuisine has been a staple in northwestern Africa since before the 1200s. That's long enough to have a

lot of the very interesting cultural connections and associations that get foodies everywhere a twittering. I bet Alton Brown has done a show on it - and Andrew Zimmern probably considers it bland and passe (but he likes pink, so I'm not sure how much I trust his opinion).

First, contrary to popular opinion in the United States, couscous is not a grain. It is a pasta. A very, very small pasta made from semolina flour and water, much like spaghetti or macaroni. Traditionally (which is the new buzz word for "prior to global industrialization"), the pasta was made by rubbing the dough between your hands until the tiny pellets formed. The pellets were then coated in more flour to keep them separated and passed through a sieve which separates all of the bits which are still too small. Those are then re-rolled with more flour and water until the process is complete. It's a very labor intensive process - much like cleaning up after a husband or embroidering a blanket to be placed in a wrinkled pile in the corner - so it was most often left to women (being the most obvious choice for tasks that require extended focus and attention to detail). Women would gather in family groups, rolling couscous, steaming it, then setting it out in the sun to dry (sometimes for days), gossiping about what happened at the town well and complaining about their husband's foot fungi. It was much like making tamales in modern Mexico or the desert southwest - except that tamales don't bake in the sun and Latino men aren't as prone to foot fungus.

Second, also contrary to popular opinion here in the industrialized capitol of the world, couscous is not traditionally a "quick cook" food (as illustrated above). Now, this is how I first came to know the dish - the ease of cooking the couscous available in our grocery markets makes it perfect for lazy cooks or those who want quick carbs in the backcountry. Throw some couscous in a pot of hot water, wait 5 minutes and poof! You're done. Not so in that oh-so-forgotten traditional past. To properly prepare couscous, it was steamed as many as three times to achieve the desired light, fluffy texture - using a pot known as a couscousiere (what, a kitchen gadget I don't have! Oh, no!). In this two piece pot, you could prepare the stew that was generally served on top of the couscous in the bottom and the steam coming off would help to both cook and flavor your couscous. Multi-tasking at its finest. The multiple steaming process also meant you needed to reach in and handle the pasta again, this time while it was steaming hot, in order to separate it and achieve fluffiness. Steaming hot pasta and bare fingers. That's when women were women and men were terrified to talk back.

The couscous we buy here in the states has already been steamed and re-dried - so we are essentially only rehydrating the dish, rather than cooking it. Old hat to us backpackers - but I can see how some people never even see it coming... They think they're eating whole grains, which magically cook in almost no time into a soft, creamy texture that can absorb the flavor of nearly anything it accompanies.

For that, you really need Quinoa.

As this post is getting long (and probably dull), I'll leave most of the the story of quinoa as a teaser. However, to answer a brief debate I had some years ago with a friend - traditional tabbouleh is in fact made with couscous - as it is a dish which originated in the same region. Quinoa - while an excellent grain for this light salad of olive oil, parsley, mint, tomatoes and grain - is actually from South America - and was more likely originally accompanied by coca leaves and llama stew (which I've been told does not taste like chicken).

Couscous is, like most pastas, a carb-fest and probably not very good for you according to the recent high-fiber diet craze. Even "whole wheat" couscous is still relatively low in dietary fiber - though it isn't nearly as tough or chewy as it's whole grain Italian cousins. Also, unlike the Medditerranean varietals, couscous makes awesome breakfast food (particularly in Brazil - can you imagine that geographic tale!). There's even a website that claims (contrary to my info above) that couscous is the "secret to losing weight". People have also said that avocados are the secret to losing weight, but my waist is living proof of THAT little myth (mmmm- guacamole).

More fascinating facts from the world of couscous:

"Israeli couscous" is in fact not similar to couscous at all. It does not use semolina, and is baked. It bears a much closer resemblance to orzo, and is boiled and drained rather than steamed. I wonder if it's called Israeli couscous in Israel - or if like French Fries and Spanish Rice, nationals just shake their heads at our curious American naming habits...
Among Algerians, couscous is called ta'am, the word which—in the rest of the Arabic-speaking world—means simply "food."
A catering college in Tizi Ouzou, Algeria broke an unofficial Tunisian record by preparing the world's largest couscous in June 2004. The "Guinness Book of World Records" was on hand to ratify the record dish, enough to serve 22,000 people. The couscous contained 2,600kg of dry semolina, meat from 100 sheep and 1.5 tons of vegetables. Sounds like a batch that might have been made up for the Tunisian version of Chipotle, eh?

Links to some good recipes using couscous (other than my favorite porridge):

A simple version (I told you Alton had done a show on it)
A traditional version (not the best for our "instant" varieties of couscous)
And Tabbouleh with Couscous

End of the Kitchen Remodel

2009-05-26T17:46:00.006-07:00

Realized as I went back through posts on the blog that I never put in "after" pictures for the kitchen. I got sent good before shots from the cabinet maker, so here are the results of our 8 month kitchen remodeling extravaganza! Be forewarned - these images might make you green with envy, have sudden urges to rip out panneling, or cause momentary loss of bladder control!

Before

After

Before

After

Now I suddenly realize just how close we were able to remain to the "feel" of the original kitchen, while still gaining 10 feet of countertop space, a diswasher, a range hood, storage for pots and pans, a farm sink and a great microwave-friendly cabinet. I'm very happy with the results - and it works great for parties and entertaining. Still small and crowded with even 3 people in it - but a perfect kitchen where you can reach everything and have no room for slop. Yeehaw! A special kudos to the hubby type. He is a wizard, and though he's slow, he does amazing work. Anyone need a handyman???

What happens when it threatens to rain on your project trailer...

2009-05-22T10:53:00.003-07:00

Does this tarp make his butt look big???

Seriosly, though - we're making progress forward for a change. Huzzah! starting to attach pieces which actually might hold the wall up, such as this one at the base:

And this one which will go on the top. It's contoured to match the angle of the roof, and grooved to hold up the ceiling framing...

I think this would qualify as a trailer moo-moo...

Demolition...

2009-05-13T13:52:00.003-07:00

So, first comes the part of any project that my DH is best at (and that I have to admit I enjoy as well)... taking stuff apart. The bad thing about this demo project, however, is that with each new piece removed came more realization of what a big project we'd bitten off...

First, we took the siding off the bowed wall. We weren't really clear what we were looking at after the first piece. It seemed like there was nothing really holding up the wall on the outside...

Here the propane fridge is still in the trailer, and you can see that there are spaces where the structural pieces just don't attach to anything. As we went further, we began to theorize that the propane fridge might be at the heart of all this trouble...

That bermuda grass was more prevalent than we originally thought. Maybe it was heading for the light near the windows and the roof???

It kinda looks like this side of the trailer had been subjected to some sort of impact - all of the wood is shoved toward the passenger's side...

The original water tank - it seems fine, but it's pretty rusty. It's designed to be pressurized with a bicycle pump (essentially). It's also pretty heavy. We might upgrade this to a plasic tank with a electric pump.

At first glance, the header board looked pretty intact, however this photo illustrates some of the evidence that this wall has been removed before. It was sealed with silicone - not really the best material for this application and definitely not what came from the factory.

The horizontal piece you see here is the only piece of wood that runs the length of the trailer between the header and (what should have been) the skirt board. It isn't attached on either end, so everything attached to it is really just floating. This photo also shows why the windows leaked - there was nothing between the glass and the wood at all...

Here's that same board on the other side of the trailer. Not much to hold those cabinets up...

Then, as we continued to probe, the whole "header" board came from together. It did't come out, but the water that had leaked in from the bad sealing at the roofilne had caused the plywood to delaminate. That's some of it down on the ground where it fell all on it's own...

The corner, now with a lot less wood - indicating even more "floating" wall construction.

The inside, now that the cabinets, flooring and outer siding have been removed. Yeah, this is looking more promising all the time. The floor, however, seems to be very solid. That's at least somewhere to start.

One last photo - this one from inside looking at the gap between the floor and the exterior siding at the back of the trailer. This looks, again, like it might be the result of the impact on that right side. Or, it could just be another sign that we are looking at rebuilding this whole blinking trailer...

King Gilbert - the 1962 Aristocrat Land Commander...

2009-05-11T15:47:00.010-07:00

Reviving the blog to start tracking some of our fun projects and keep up with the knowledge sharing. I figure it's better than futzing around on Facebook when I'm bored.

So, on May 2 2009 we adopted a new member into our family of dated, rusty, old and maintenance-intensive luxuries. King Gilbert the Land Commander joined Baby the '61 Plymouth Valiant, Nelson the '65 Ford F-250 and the 1921 Bungalow on our ongoing permanent and undending project list. As with all of the other family members, we didn't really intend to get into a major restoration project. We just seem to...attract them

Because restoration of a vintage trailer is of vast internet interest, evidently, I'm going to chronicle our adventures here.

So, meet King Gilbert, the way he was when we brought him home...

Straight off the hitch, as it were. Honestly, the photos all look better than the reality, which explains how we were fooled so easily by the shots on ebay. Does it look in this photo like it's been painted with flat housepaint, has broken windows, bowed walls and a general state of disrepair? I don't think so...

This is the bowed wall. It wasn't in any of the pictures online...

Here is the King's backside. That window is held in with ductape, and it seems there might have been a small impact on the back driver-side corner, but other than those things, this side seems to be in pretty decent shape.

This is a shot of the roof. The fact that a part of the roof is unfinished has lead us to think that perhaps parts of the trailer originally had a metal finish rather than paint. The nice thing here is that the roof doesn't seem to leak - at least, not from the top...

There are some interesting original details...

Two layers of carpet over the original linoleum flooring. We weren't sure how solid the floor would be after all the other flaws we've been identifying - but it felt okay. Floors are infamous trouble spots in these older trailers.

The kitchen unit - though nicely intact, also leans badly into the bowed wall. It's a bit like being in a carnival fun house...

The dining table which folds into one of the beds. The table is poorly attached and cracked on the bottom - the leg is not fastened on right. But, the benches work, and under there is a heater (not original) and a water tank (I think original). Upholstry and foam will need to be redone...

Water damage under one window, with an original light fixture. This sort of cosmetic damage can hide much bigger problems in the wall...

The heater and battery. The heater is an after-market item, and though nice to have seems to cause some problems of its own...

The closet and this whole side of the trailer seem to be in good enough condition...

This is under the bed/sofa at the rear of the trailer. There must be a problem down here somewhere, since bermuda grass was able to grow inside the trailer. There also seems to be more water damage here...

Looking toward the back of the trailer. It's, well, all sorta bent and warped. This will take a little work...

These are some of the lights that are intact. Most seem pretty original - there are propane, ac and dc units for every lighting need!

The step is original - bent, but original.

The shade and rock gaurd at the front is rusty and barely holding on, and a couple of the window panes are broken or missing. But, heck, that's all easy, right?

Apparently someone ran into a tree or post or something with the front. On both sides. Someone needed practice pulling a trailer, methinks...

Anyhow...watch for more demolition photos. Trust me, this gets interesting. Actually, it gets funny, as long as you're on the outside looking in.

Nostalgia and HBO

2009-01-07T09:46:00.007-07:00

So, don't ask me why, but I'm lying in bed last night and I caught the very tippy-tale ending of a childhood memory. It's the late 80's, I'm sitting and watching cable on the brown-striped sofa in our living room. HBO was king - all movies, all the time. None of this "made for tv" cable series stuff, no special "cable only" events. No commercials. You got cable because you were sick of commercials. The theory was you paid for the service, so they didn't need advertiser support. So HBO and it's lesser cousin, The Movie Channel, played movies - one right after another - often repeating the same movie like 100 times. I think I watched Ice Pirates 256 times in a 3 year period. (I think I saw the ending scene twice.) As a side note, don't do that to yourself. It leaves scars.

What my mind was trying to get full recall on, for a reason I can't explain at all, was that clip from HBO which was the equivalent of their "jingle", preceeding each movie, letting you know that you were one of the blessed in America who could watch movies on their tv. It started out in a typical American living room, panned out to the street, flew over the city and the country, then eventually launched into the stars where we found the HBO logo, flying like a magnificent saucer through space... All to some super-cool techno music that just screamed "This is the dawning of the digital age and we like syths!".

This short video jingle was cool enough that they actually did a short documentary about how it was made. In today's world of near-perfect digital animation, it seems riddiculous to be so proud of such a simple piece of film, but we're talking about something made over 20 years ago. It was all miniatures and hand-drawn effects. Cable was so uber cool, that they could spend a small fortune to make a mini-movie just to make cable customers feel special. It was that magical moment in special effects somewhere between Flash Gordon and Jar Jar Binks. Sometimes I miss the old days...

So, I found it on you-tube, and my mind is at rest at last. Enjoy.

Prop 8 Propaganda from Hollywood!

2008-12-10T16:01:00.000-07:00

"Prop 8 - The Musical" starring Jack Black, John C. Reilly, and many more... by Jack Black

December alreay.

2008-12-02T16:48:00.002-07:00

It can't actually be December already. December is the month that comes at the END of the year, and it can't possibly be that late. I demand a recount.

I think it's really late October and someone, somewhere is playing an elaborate and cruel joke on me and those around me.

So, whoever you are, lets just call it a good laugh and put the calendar back where it belongs. I mean, you can't really fool me - it's still 80 out.

Cenotes denote ancient crater?

2008-11-25T15:48:00.007-07:00

So, we're watching NatGeo the other night (I'm nerdy enough now that I don't even hesitate to throw out the self-abbreviated names of educational TV channels). We'd DVR'd a show called "Earth: The Biography" (yeah - that nerdy. I DVR educational programs). This show is basically a fascinating collection of HD film footage of our planet and this crazy Scottsman wandering around it trying to explain how it all works. Of course, he's usually mostly right, but seldom tells the entire story. However, getting to the purpose of all of this silly exposition material, I have learned a few things that I did not already know. And you all know how much I already know, so finding a new piece of knowledge is really a treat. So, now, I will share some of this with you.

The term "Cenote" (pronounced sen-oh-tay) is typically used to describe a unique kind of limestone sinkhole that is found throughout the Yucatan peninsula in central Mexico. Many of these sinkholes are partially filled with groundwater, and are usually quite scenic and spectacular. They're one of the principal tourist draws in the Yucatan, right after Mayan ruins and white sand beaches packed with rich Americans in thongs.

Here you have a cenote AND a Mayan ruin (Chichen Itza and the Sacred Cenote). It's like a two-for one ticket to the wonders of the Yucatan!

What I did know already: I have been casually researching Cenotes for years. Not only are they beautiful, but they're full of mystery and intrigue. The Mayans considered these cave-like depressions to be holy places. Not only were they some of the only sources of dependable, fresh water in the marshy jungle, but they were also seen as gateways to the afterlife. Anthropologists have discovered gold, valuables and even human skeletons at the base of the pools, and have theorized that these were offerings made to the Gods - particularly the rain gods (Chaacs) .

Cenotes are the result of freshwater dissolving limestone along weaken fractures in the rock, creating large underground caverns (uber simple explanation, true). Since the water table can be very close to the surface, the roofs of these caverns were often fragile, and collapsed - creating the sinkhole. Many Cenotes are connected via a labyrinth of underground passages and rivers creating a massive network of open and underwater caverns that cave divers treasure. If you go to the Yucatan and you get sick of all the bootie on the beach and sweating while you climb all over the Mayan Pyramids, you can always strap scuba gear on and explore the labyrinthine world of the Cenotes. They're pretty awsome.

Diving a cenote

Oh, and there's this whole dance between fresh water and salt water, because the Cenotes are actually connected to the ocean. Fresh water, being lighter, floats on top and salt water flows below - you can see the boundary when you dive through it, evidently. Kind of like flying into Phoenix on a hot day, when you can actually taste the smog layer as you pass through it...

What I didn't know: If you map the location of the 3000 some known Cenotes, they form a distinct ring. The center point of this ring is just off the shore of the peninsula. This ring is theorized to be the remnants of the Chicxulub Crater, a massive, 180-300km in diameter, impact crater - the remnant of the event that contributed to the massive extinction at the end of the Cretaceous period (the infamous extinction of the dinosaurs). If you were watching the cool TV program, they had some pretty amazing graphics that showed the near liquefaction of the earth's crust in the vicinity of the impact - though it doesn't really explain how this might have lead to the birth of the Cenotes. There's some world-renowned expert PhD mumbling about 'instability on the crater wall' and 'fractures in the limestone layer'...but no kick ass digital graphics. I guess I have to take more geology classes before I can explain it all here, and considering the stellar results of my last return to academia, I don't see that happening any time soon.

See - cool, hu?

Adjacent cenotes in the northeastern Yucatan

The life-cycle of a cenote. Eventually they fill with debris and become dry pits filled with vegetation.

An early debris pile at the base of a younger cenote

What I learned researching this blog entry further: First, Iain Stewart, the crazy Scottsman who hosts "Earth: The Biography" is actually a scientists, not an actor. I have to give props to the folks at NatGeo for not having the series hosted by Ewan McGreggor - though I find Ewan MUCH sexier. Scientists need to have fun, too.

Iaian Stewart

Ewan McGregor (obvious difference in sex appeal)

Second: There are cenotes in the United States, as close as eastern New Mexico. Bottomless Lakes State Park boasts 9 small cenotes, which, despite the name of the park, are between 17 and 90 feet deep. They only appear bottomless because of algae growth and the steep sides of the sinkhole. Three of the lakes are stocked with Rainbow Trout, and one has shallow shores which allow for swimming and other waterside activities. They were formed by the Pecos river and it's interaction with an ancient limestone reef similar to that found not far away at Carlsbad Caverns. Unlike the Cenotes in Mexico, human sacrifice is not a ritual at the New Mexico Cenotes, which may be why the Mexican Cenotes are located in a rain forest, and the ones in NM are in the middle of a very arid region. The gods must be appeased - who's going to offer themselves up to create a whole new weather regime?

One of New Mexico's Cenotes...

New Music...

2008-11-19T08:23:00.002-07:00

Finally found something cool enough to share! This is some great music - very indie, very theatrical. Lots of fun.

No good Youtube to link you to, but here's a link to they're myspace where you can hear some fun tunes. My faves are Imitation of the Sky and Misery Loves Company.

The front man of the group (Bryan Scary is only his STAGE name) actually began as something of a one-man-show, playing all of the instruments on his first album with the exception of drums. Now there's talent. But now he's got a band, and they're all versatile and pretty good at they're jobs. Now, if you do find some video footage, you'll have to tell me if their retro-80's hair band in Devo jumpsuits works...

Have fun with it!

More Kitchen...

2008-11-18T17:20:00.004-07:00

So it feels like all I have time for these days is hiking and kitchen remodeling. Sorry if the rest of you feel neglected, including my loyal blog readers (like I have any). I'd say things will improve, but lets be honest, it's holiday season. Even I'm not crazy enough to promise regular anything this time of year... So yesterday morning our kitchen magically sprouted 2 massive granite outcroppings, with the help of a couple of skilled laborers. The counter surface is beautiful, and feels expansive. I'm sure once it's been covered with our stuff if won't feel so big - but for now it's enjoying it's moment in the sun (or at least in the incandescent lights).

So next is tile, paint and decorating. All fun stuff compared to plumbing, electrical and 3 months without a kitchen... Oh, and I need gas to that stove so I can COOK! It's cooking season - I'm jonesing to make some spaghetti or enchiladas or pumpkin bread or something! Ak!

ooh - pretty!

The other side - a different material

Close up of the black...

This will probably be the only time I'll be able to do this!

More Photos of recent adventures...

2008-11-12T14:22:00.000-07:00

Kitchen Remodel Update = Progress

2008-11-05T12:02:00.004-07:00

In the light of the infusion of hope that the new election has brought to our lives (or at least the lives of the people who agree with me politically), I thought I'd share another victory of mine:
Kitchen Cabinets.

Yes, they're in. They're sexy. Shortly after them came a sink with a faucet and a new garbage disposal. It's kinda like magic. I start out with this (thanks to some mad cleaning...)

You know, without cabinets, the room does seem bigger...

But then my house started to fill up with wooden boxes...

Here's a couple of teaser pics of the kitchen with the cabinets in. It's hard, even with the widest-angle lens I have, to get photos. But, don't fear, we'll have better ones as the process continues...

The Election of the Year...

2008-11-04T10:16:00.004-07:00

It's Election Day here in America. I hope you got out and voted. Many are calling this a "historic" election and anticipating record voter turnout. While every election has equal potential to be historic in retrospect, to call one so before it's even occurred is quite a moniker. Lets hope it lives up to our expectations, what ever they may be.

Just for the sake of entertainment, here's some election trivia and useless knowledge:

The 2000 Presidential Election between Al Gore and George W. Bush was not the first time that a president has been elected without the majority of the popular vote. It has happened 3 other times: in 1824, 1876 and 1888.

Although we think that election chaos is a new thing, but we'd be quite wrong. The 1824 election mentioned above was actually fought out between 4 candidates from essentially the same party. The Federalist Party had folded during the previous presidency, leaving only the Democratic-Republican party intact. Factions split on issues and geographic lines resulting in 4 candidates, the two strongest of which were John Quincy Adams and Andrew Jackson (their respective factions eventually formed into the National Republican Party and the Democratic Party). No candidate received a numeric majority of either the electoral college or popular votes, though Jackson did collect more of both types of votes than any other candidate. According to the 12th Amendment, the vote then goes to the House of Representatives. Unluckily for Jackson, he had powerful enemies in the house and the election was given to Adams. Jackson cried foul for four years until he was able to run against Adams again, this time with no other contenders to split the vote. Jackson won the 1828 election by a landslide. (It's also interesting to note that only +352,000 votes were cast nationally in that election - boy things change!)

My man Andy. I think this is a really cool look for the President.

In the 1876 election, the loser, Samuel Tilden (Dem), actually received a majority of both the popular and electoral votes as initially counted. This was in Reconstruction era America, and is still held to be the most hotly contested election in American history. The disputed results were mainly in the South - South Carolina, Louisiana and (big surprise) Florida. There were reports of violence against voters and corruption at the polling place. The result of the election is generally called the Compromise of 1877 - essentially the Republicans agreed to withdraw Federal troops from the South in return for their acquiescence and the election of Ruthaford B. Hayes as President. This was effectively the end of Reconstruction and begun a pattern of systematic prevention of black voting in the South through poll taxes and grandfather clauses.

And we think nasty campaign ads are new...

Since 1960, voter turn out has dropped from only 60% to a low of 49% in 1994. That number has climbed back up to the mid-50's in the 21st century elections. I find this statistic to be depressing.

Richard Nixon has received more votes than any other person in American history. His three Congressional terms, two terms as Vice-President, his narrow defeat by JFK in the 1960 presidential, his run for the California Gubernatorial, his first election to the Presidency in 1968 and his landslide defeat of Geroge McGovern (the largest in Presidential history until that time) makes Nixon the most voted for American politician ever.

Good ol' Ricky celebrating

Most Americans consider the British Prime Minister to be the equivalent to the our President - however, the British Constitution is largely uncodified, or de facto. There are few official references to the post - none which predate the 20th century. Parliament has decided many times that the position simply does not exist. The politician in the post generally holds onto power by controlling his or her respective party in Parliament and by holding sway in the Cabinet.

Kitchen Remodel II

2008-10-24T11:19:00.006-07:00

Ohmigawd. I'm sure that even before humans moved beyond the basic animal survival stage and began to do simple, civilized things like living in caves, stealing each other's wives and cooking food that there were probably more developed kitchens than the one I've had for the last couple of weeks. I thought the whole no cabinets, no countertops thing was bad. Then I met the no stove, no microwave and no sink thing, and I began to realize that even backpacking is more civilized than kitchen remodeling. At least the cave men had fire. If I want fire, I have to light a candle or pull out my backpacking stove. I feel so, primitive.

Gary working on the plumbing

Doesn't it make you want to cook?

Speaking of which - I'm toying more and more with the idea of starting a commune. with the economy where it is, and with society as a whole pretty well going to hell in a dump-truck (I don't think the problems fit in that hand basket any more), I'm beginning to think that creating a small community of other pissed-off intellectuals out trying to live off of the land and make clothing out of old grocery bags might just be an appropriate response. I've got several interesting developments so far:

The folks that run the Mountain States Wholesale nursery have been talking about creating a commune on their property - which is already blessed with ample growing yards, green houses, wells and food producing plants. While I think this is an ideal location, it would be unlikely that they'd let me run it (seeing as how it's their idea and all). So, obviously, that doesn't work for me. However, I like the nursery idea, so I say we either find a similar set up, or use Gary's guns to take over their commune and plant me as the "Gemini Queen of the Commune". Gary can be my consort.

Another friend with ties to the New Mexico ranching and farming community has offered cows and seed. I can't imagine life without beef, so this works for me. He also thinks we should ban money in favor of the barter system. This would eliminate the need for lawyers and accountants. I think this is brilliance.

Considering that we're in the Southwest, we should take a clue from the native communities who were seasonally migratory. Living somewhere nice for the summer, like Mt. Graham or the Rincons where we had a regular water supply, cooler weather and lakes stocked with trout (we'd have to manage this resource carefully if we anticipate Fish and Game's collapse). For the winters, we could go someplace where we wouldn't have to deal with cold weather and keeping track of heavy coats. I like the San Pedro river area for that, but there's always Hawaii. It's a long canoe trip, but the Queen of the Gemini Commune can just conscript a few handsome young studs to row her over there.

Finally, the commune has to be equipped with a full kitchen at all times. I will not eat brick dust and try to re-heat meat in a toaster oven just to escape the evils of society. At the very least, I need a flame for my macaroni and cheese. There are certain products of progress that simply cannot be set aside.

Monday has been established as the install day for the cabinets. I'd be more excited if it meant I'd also have a sink, stove and microwave - but we must take the little joys as they come, right?

Funnies from the Political Race...

2008-10-20T16:13:00.005-07:00

Now, I know that some of you may disagree with me politically - but I think these are funny just the same. The last one is my own attempt...

Gotta Share this With the World...

2008-10-15T16:37:00.003-07:00

Pure genius: Click here for the future of America. Click all over the screen to find great little jems.

And this - if you like SNL - is one of their best skits, ever, especially if you had to watch the vp debates like I did. At least I was in Chicago. Among friends...
Felt kinda like this to me...

Kitchen Remodeling Project

2008-10-01T10:23:00.008-07:00

So, for those who are interested in what really happens when you decide to build some 'sweat equity" into your home...I bring you the great kitchen remodeling project of 2008! This isn't one of those "we did it in 48 hours" tv shows - this is real people, real budget, real timeline. Things could very well go wrong, and there isn't a perky host to make it all better.

To say I'll bring you in from the beginning would be a bit of a fib. We've done a couple of small projects already - or more accurately, made a few purchases (a fridge, a stove, a hood, a sink - you know - small cheap stuff snort). But, the cool, scary and sexy stuff is just getting going... So strap on your tool belt and put on your safety glasses, because the plaster will fly (and likely tempers will flare, so bring your asbestos apron, too!).

For starters, here's what my kitchen looked like before:

Oh, alright, so I didn't bother to take good "before" pictures that don't show my kitchen full of booze and drunk people (there isn't a whole lot of time that it isn't). But I guess you get the drift: tiny space that people love to hang out in, yellow walls, old cabinets, a counter top that's slowly flaking away (yeah - flaking - we'll get back to that in a minute) oh, and:

a sink that's getting old, nasty and starting to clog a lot. EEew. The model, however, is lovely. She makes the sink look even worse. Some applause for Vana, please...

So, plan is: new cabinets, new sink, new counter tops, keep yellow walls and drunk friends. While we're at it, might as well modernize so that if and when we try to sell the place, people don't have feel they have to avoid references to Geico and sweep our stone-age tool fragments from under the furniture. So, new appliances (or new old appliances) and some upgrades such as a dishwasher (although I find my current 'dishwasher' to be fully functional and sex is cheaper than electricity), a garbage disposal (to avoid messes like the one above - eeeew) and a vent hood (so I don't turn the kitchen into a Hopi Sweat Lodge each time I cook). The end result should be eclectic, homey and (with any luck) slightly more functional. I hope we don't drive the drunk people out with all of our modern gadgetry, though!

Progress to date: BIG FREAKING MESSES MADE!

Removing the upper cabinets (see I told you my 'dishwasher' was sexy)...

Removing the counter top (yes, he's using a pneumatic chisel. It's hard stuff.)

So, the counter top was "flaky" because it was plaster or cement which had been poured over lath and then painted with some sort of enamel finish (likely lead based, tasty). Over the years, no doubt water had infiltrated the protecting layer, and as a result that layer was lifting, the porous cement was allowing the water through to the wood, which then expanded and contracted, causing the material to crack, letting in more water... Well, let's just say that we were experiencing a little riparian erosion right in my kitchen (I feel so privileged).

Now we fell better about ripping it out (because we probably could not have ever really repaired it). It also proved that the kitchen was pretty much original, because behind that was...brick.

Here's what the kitchen looks like today:

Guess the Mexican food restaurant down the street will be getting a lot more business from us over the next weeks. Lets just hope the cabinet maker doesn't delay things any more! Watch for more installations of "a new kitchen in an old house"...

Wildflowers of Southeastern Arizona

2008-09-25T15:05:00.013-07:00

I've had some great hikes lately - all of them just chock-full of crazy late-summer wildflowers thanks to our generous monsoon season and relatively cool summer. I thought I'd share for those of you who were on my trips, those who wish they were, and those who just like pretty flowers... (now some of these aren't the greatest pictures - but I figured you'd forgive my poor photography in favor of my vast knowledge)

Santa Ritas - August

California fuscia

(Zaushneria calfornica)

Rincons - August

Arizona Salvia

(Salvia Arizonica)

Wild Grape

(Vitis arizonica)

Hill's Lupine

(Lupinus hilii)

Coral Bells

(Heuchera sanguinea)

Hybrid salvia?

(Wendy wantsaone)

Sycamore Canyon - August

Sacred Datura

(Datura wrightii)

Parker Canyon - Sept

Vine-leaf Morning Glory

(Ipomoea hederacea)

Another yellow-daisy like flower

(A Viguiera?)

???? Found near the abandoned settlement of Sunnyside

Perhaps not a native - can't find in the books

??? Another mystery plant - maybe the Huachucas are full of them!

Chiricahuas - Sept

Fleabane

(Erigeron oreophilus)

Delphinium

(Delphinium sp.)

Lemmon's Salvia

Salvia lemmonii

(Sarae's Picture)

Common Mullein

(Verbascum thapsus)

Sweet Four O'clock

(Mirabalis longiflora)

Catalinas - Sept

California fuscia
(Zaushneria calfornica)

Wild geranium

(Geranium caespitosum)

other things we saw but I don't have photos of (so I pilfered them from other sites):

Nodding Groundsel
(Senecio bigelovii)

Nodding Onion

(Allium cernuum)

Plains Beebalm

(Monarda pectinata)

Chia
(Salvia columbariae)

Franciscan Bluebells
(Mertensia franciscana)

Get Ready...

2008-09-24T16:24:00.004-07:00

for new blog posts coming soon. I know, this is a terrible tease because you've been checking the site daily hoping for more seeds of wisdom from me.

Well, to tide you over until the main event, here's a tidbit that I bet most of you are unaware of:

In the 1600's the Dutch created a system of fortifications and dry channels called the "Water Line". This defensive system was specifically designed to flood a narrow strip of land to the perfect depth to deter both foot crossings and boats. The bottoms of these channels were further reinforced with smaller ditches, obstacles (such as fencing and sharp objects) and (later) mines. When an army invaded, the sluices raised and quickly flooded the grassy landscape, forcing the approaching troops to attempt crossings at heavily fortified bridges.

A Map of the Dutch Water Line

I have no idea where any of these places are, but I'm sure

you can find them on Google Earth.

From Wikipedia

The waterline proved effective during it's first test against Louis IVX of France when he tried to invade the Dutch Republic. However, during the next French invasion in 1794, the cold weather and frost froze the water in the ditches and the troops entered the country. (Here I have to interject that I have become quite suspect of the Anglo-centric nature of our history education. The history of the Netherlands, and how integral that history is to the history of our nation and to Europe as a whole, was utterly neglected in my secondary education. It's fascinating, with a rich and complex system of rule that evolved quite differently than the monarchies in England and France, and I highly recommend you learn more, you unwashed heathens).

The system was modernized in post-Napoleonic Netherlands, and remained in active service through the Franco-Prussian War and WWI. (Isn't it interesting how we "name" wars. I seriously doubt that there were newspapers in the 1800's calling something the "Franco-Prussian War). In WWII, the fortifications were no longer strong enough to withstand modern artillery, but were still utilized as a second line of defence (ultimately, the Germans bombed the Netherlands into submission from the air - but the resistance continued to operate out of some of the historic forts).

A third version of the line was designed to counter a possible Soviet invasion of the Netherlands, erected further to the East. That line was never tested, and the infrastructure was ultimately dismantled in 1963.

However, now comes the REALLY cool (read Landscape Architecture related) part. The modern Dutch, recognizing that the intact elements of the system comprise a valuable cultural and environmental resource, have been using the Water Line to create a linear recreation amenity. Hikers, bicyclists and boaters can travel the various parts of the system - and many forts are open for visitors to explore or even camp in! Awesome! New thing to add to the bucket list: backpack the Dutch Water Line and camp in a 16th century fort.

Pooing in the Woods

2008-09-24T16:19:00.012-07:00

We human types - or, more specifically, we well-heeled first world white folk - tend to think of pooing in the woods as sort of the end-all-be-all of "roughing it". Sure, you've traded your concrete block and asphalt-shingled abode for a nylon and aluminum tent; you've abandoned your kitchen sink and instead must gather water from your surroundings (or at least from the 5 gallon bucket you brought from home); you've turned your back on fast-food chains and drive-thu coffee shops in favor of pop-tarts and instant coffee from a lexan mug; you've even taken to sleeping a full foot and a half closer to the actual ground than your mother thinks is good and proper. But, so long as you have even the most primitve shack with a pre-dug hole and a toilet seat, you're still in civilization. No - to really access the depths of the wilds, to become one with mother nature and all her grand design - you really need to poo in the woods.

I even know girls who consider peeing outside to be a minor persuit - something you do at overcrowded frat parties and whenever you need to impress a granola boyfriend. But to most of these free-wheeling spirits, pooing is a whole different story. There's something so much more, well, terrifying about the thought. It's a whole new level. If a guy takes you on a trip where you're gonna have to poo in the woods - it'd better be love. Either that, or he better drive one kick-ass Jeep and have parents with stock in Apple.

Now, you're wondering why the backcountry maven is even addressing the issue. Afterall you say, to her pooing in the woods is as basic as, well, washing your cooking pots with river sand or drinking out of cattle tanks. You would be sadly mistaken my friends to assume such, for even yours truly has some adjustments to do on long sojourns in the wilds. It's a challenge - one usually made worse when camping with dogs, curious children or pranksters.

No - the reason for the blog is to explore why. Lets face it - no other animal has anything remotely resembling this problem. Even the very completely domesticated canine companion will quickly adjust from pooing in a freshly mowed lawn to laying it down smack in the center of the trail in no time. They don't even need reinforcement or a demonstration - they just know it's the right thing to do.

Bears, often considered to be the most human-like of non-primate land animals, actually have pooing in the woods down to an art. I firmly believe that they are very careful to place scat in such a way that it will be found by the local migrant human population, wherein it's sure to become a source of much talk and gossip. According to this very interesting site , it is easy to determine what a bear's been eating by the consistency of it's scat. If it's full of berries and seeds, the bear has likely been eating lots of berries and seeds. If it's dark and firm and doesn't smell, it's likely been eating a lot of plant material. If it's dark and runny, the bear's been feeding on meat.

Bear scat in the Chiricahuas - might you be on the menu? (Courtesy of Sarae)

(Please note this source also says it's probably not a good idea to examine the bear scat with your hands. Like THAT was something I needed someone to tell me.)

Rodents, rabits and shrews actually provide a service to the world with their poo. Evidently, they have two kinds of scat - the usual kind, and a darker, nutrient rich kind. This "super scat" is actually a food source for other animals - including other rodenst, rabits and shrews. In lean times, look for the really dark, soft jelly beans on the forest floor. It just might save your life.

Then there's the ultimate in human discomfort- the trips where you must use a "WAG" bag (Waist Alleviation and Gelling) to transport your poo from the woods. Fanstastic. Haven't used one myself yet, though I've come close. I'm thinking it might be a good way to keep the tourists away when hiking out of popular destinations such as the Grand Canyon or Yosemite - particularly the using ones that say "toilet" across the side and swing from the back of your pack...

At the risk of a fun blog entry getting too long (too late), I'll close here with the question still open. Perhaps as a sub-species (homo sapiens sapiens var. americana) we can come to terms with those functions which every living being performs regularly, and embrace the wild animals we once were. I think it would improve our lives on many fronts - but it would certainly make a weekend on the mountain just a little less constipating.

2008-09-02T14:42:00.002-07:00

So, Tiki shots are on the web and ready for viewing. You have two options!

You can click here to go to Picasa to view (with captions)...

or you can look at a little tiny version of the slide show here:

Thanks to all who made the tiki party a success!

Tin Foil and Popular Demand...

2008-09-02T08:47:00.007-07:00

It's thin, it's shiny and you wrap your food in it. You can also wrap your head in it if you want to keep out the government's prying eyes. And, if push comes to shove, you can repair your television antenna with it.

But what is it called?

Well, like many Americans, I apply the misnomer of 'tin foil' to the magic metal that rolls off in a sheet and tears with those deadly little teeth on the side of the box. The term has been incorrectly applied to aluminium foil since the 1920's, when aluminium was substituted for tin in foil production. Aluminium was found to be far more useful than tin - it is more flexible and durable as well as being non-reactive with foods. Tin foil was used primarily for non-edible items such as cigarettes and for coating cylinders for recording music. But tin is still easier to say. It slides off the tongue.

Some other interesting facts about Aluminium Foil:

It is only 99% aluminium. The other 1% is other materials which help the foil resist tearing.

Regular duty foil is about .0005 inches thick.

Aluminium foil dipped in water is excellent for polishing steel.

1.3 billion lbs of foil were produced in the United States last year - 75% of which was used for packaging of foods and cosmetics. These materials are particularly easy to recycle - in fact, recycling takes considerably less energy than the initial extraction process.

The Brits say "Aluminium", in North America we call in "Aluminum". We're much more efficient with our syllables.

The shiny/dull side debate rages on: in the production process, two sheets of foil are rolled together. The sides of the sheets that contact the rollers come out shiny, the sides that contact the other roll of foil are duller (88% vs 80% reflectivity). However, exhaustive research has shown that wrapping food with the shiny side out is not any more effective for heat transferring in the cooking process. In fact, the results are so minute as to require expensive and absurd digital devices to measure (I probably have one in my shed, though, if you want to try).

Mylar - another substance sometimes mistaken for aluminium foil, is actually PET film (biaxially oriented). And no, this is not the stuff they use to make "Mylar balloons"- that is a metalized nylon material. Another misnomer.

Some other great misnomers that are rarely pointed out in conversation by uppity materials engineers:

The "lead" in pencils has always been a graphite and clay mixture- it was just believed in the first part of the last century that graphite was a form of lead ore (of course, it isn't).

We still call it "filming" when we use digital media to capture moving images.

Most people refer to wind turbines as "windmills", even though there is no milling equipment associated with them any longer.

"Leaded crystal" is not crystalline at all, but is in fact glass, which has no crystal structure. It does, however, have lead in it.

"Grape Nuts" are made of neither grapes nor nuts.

"Rocky Mountain Oysters" are not sea food, and are rarely harvest in the Rocky Mountains. No shucking is involved in eating these delicacies.

"Horny Toads" are neither promiscuous nor toads. They are perfectly well-behaved lizards.

"Tear Gas" is not actually a gas, but a light-weight solid (crystalline) substance which is propelled through the air by a gas canister.

"Panama Hats" originated in Ecuador. They got their name from their use during the construction of the Panama canal.

The "Big Ten" conference has 11 teams in it.

Some interesting things that are done with aluminium foil:

An article about the effectiveness of aluminum hats at deflecting thought-detection efforts.

An article about a man who covered his friend's WHOLE APARTMENT in foil while he was away for new year's (this takes anal to a new extreme!)

How to make a wi-fi antenna from foil

Artesian Springs, Hot Springs and Eletricity (Oh my!)

2008-08-18T16:35:00.008-07:00

We did a hike recently to an area near Payson, AZ, called Fossil Creek. There's a good deal of interesting history in the area, though it can be difficult to come by an accruate account of what happened here. I finally found some good info, and thought I'd share it here - since that's what the blog is for, afterall.

Fossil Creek is a intermittent stream for much of its length from the Mogollon Rim to the Verde River in the valley below. However, approximately 7 miles from the river, the grade breaks through a limestone formation which caps a pressurized underground water storage tank (water has drained from the much wetter rim country above). The water gushes out of nearly 70 separate springs, releasing as much as 20,000 gallons of water per minute down the 1600' deep canyon. Such a reliable, plentiful water source is very rare in the desert southwest, and at the start of the 20th century the growing industry of Arizona did what any burgeoning population would do with such an amazing resource: the dammed it. (For a detailed account of construction including the facinating story of the woman who drove the efforts, look here)

Now, there are many pluses to hydroelectric power generation. It does not emit harmful carbon dioxide, there is no radioactive waste to store, and Homer Simpson is unlikely to mess it up with his lust for donuts. However, it does pretty well mess up riparian ecosystems. The Childs Power Station, built in 1909, necessitated the damming of Fossil Creek and the creation of a flume to divert nearly all of the spring water 7 miles to the plant on the banks of the Verde River. In 1914, the Irving plant was constructed in the Fossil Creek canyon itself. The power from these plants was originally intended to drive growth in the booming mining towns of Gerome, Crown King and Prescott, though it eventually got sucked into the Phoenix valley, just like every other resource in the state.

Historic Photos of the Flume and the Childs Power Plant

from the Sharlot Hall Museum Archives

The Irving Power Plant today

The power plant at Childs had a few interesting side-effects on the area. A twisting, winding road was built along the edges of Fossil Creek canyon and down to the power plant, and at the end of the road, a small community sprang up to support the new industry. This included development by one Prescott businessman of a resort near a set of hot springs along the Verde river. Verde Hot Springs resort, in its heydey of the teens and 20's, was a luxurious resort, with a number of bathing pools, electricity and heated accommodations (quite posh, for a place that had only become a state a couple of years before!)

The Verde Hot Springs Resort circa 1930 from the Sharlot Hall Museum Archives

Looking north along the Verde River from the area near the hotsprings

Through the 30's and 40's, Childs, Verde Hot Springs and the Irving Plant continued to operate as examples of how darned ingenious people in the rugged Southwest were, and the ecology of Fossil Creek continued to, not really exist (well, okay, there was an ecosystem, but it was sort of not the one nature intended).

So, the resort failed in the early 50's during an evident lapse in the public interest in hot spring resorts (who knew?). After being closed for several years, and a couple of failed attempts to re-open, the hotel burned to the ground - leaving only a few cement soaking pools and a foundation. Evidently you can still hike to the springs, where you'll find lots of artistic graffiti, some good hot spring soakin', and likely a few naked people. Camping is available about 1 mile down stream from the springs, but the area is increasingly popular, so the unmaintained camping area is overrun with trash and toilet paper, and nearly all the dead wood small enough to carry or within arm's reach of the ground has been stripped and burned in drunken bonfires (wasn't me this time, I swear!).

Environmental and native American groups continued to protest the travesty of the draining of Fossil Creek Canyon in the name of clean power. Coincidentally (?), the flume and the generating facilities were becoming increasingly obsolete and expensive to maintain. One, or the other, or both spelled the end for the Childs and Irving plants. APS (Arizona Public Service, or Arizona Perpetual Screwups depending on who you ask) surrendered it's rights to the water in 1999, and created a 10 year plan for restoring the watercourse that's supposed to serve as a model for other such infrastructure dismantling projects. Invasive, non-native fish and amphibians were eliminated from the waters below the dam, and native fish and other species are on a strict recovery system (similar to 12 steps). The dam was supposed to be lowered 14 feet (hasn't happened yet), water flow restored (has happened) and the facilities dismantled (the flume is gone, as is the plant at Child's but not at Irving) by 2009. The system has turned a fun hike into a great hike, and really created another crystal-water wonderland here in Arizona.

Recreation flourishes at the Old Fossil Creek Dam

Old Equipment on the old dam

An old structure with a remnant garden near the dam

Post is getting long, you say, but you haven't even talked about travertine yet! Well, folks, like Havasu Falls on the Supai Indian Reservation in the Grand Canyon, Fossil Creek is known for its crystal blue-green waters and gorgeous shelf-like waterfalls. The same agent is at work in both areas, and I'm not talking about one who takes 20% off the top. I'm talking limestone here - the kind that gets dissolved underground in that big, pressurized storage tank I talked about earlier, and then gets deposited along the course of the stream as it flows on the surface. This creates Travertine - a whitish mineral deposit which coats every rock, tree limb and leaf that sits too long in the pools. I think there could be a tourist or two in there as well. To make a long story short (too late), the white of the travertine reflects light through the clear water and poof, you have the gorgeous pools and waterfalls we see today (note that this white coating is also what makes Carribean and Polynesian beaches that same blue-green color, only it's sand instead of travertine)

The restored Fossil Creek - after 100 years of running dry, the ecosystem is slowly recovering.

So, there you have it. In a nut shell: how Arizona was cool, uncool, and then took a step to being cooler. Awsome.

Good News from the Archives of Internal Medicine

2008-08-14T09:28:00.005-07:00

A note to all those folks (many of them doctors or medical professionals) who get uppity about weight being an automatic indicator of health:

A new study has shown that many overweight and obese people are metabolically healthy, while large numbers of slim people have health problems typically associated with obesity. A study of some 5000 American adults showed that over 50% of overweight individuals (and 35% of obese individuals) were actually metabolically healthy, based upon measurements of blood pressure, “good” cholesterol, triglycerides, blood sugar and an inflammatory marker called c-reactive protein. 24% of thin, or normal weight adults posted unhealthy levels for at least two of these risk factors.

It has long been held that it is healthier to be overweight and fit than sedentary and lean. And though many doctors still want to harp on the "you have to get your BMI down" bandwagon, there are many more every year that are coming to accept that people come in many different shapes and sizes - and that your hip-to-waist ratio doesn't always determine your physical health.

So, when I start to get that very annoying "you need to loose weight for your health" statement, I can ask those skinnie minis if their blood sugar and cholesterol is as good as mine - it might just not be! Then I'll drag their butts up to Mica Mountain with a 35 lb pack and see how their health compares!

Pam Nelson - a big, fit personal trainer

MMMMMMMMM......

2008-08-14T08:23:00.004-07:00

Found this online today: thought it sounded really yummy. I might make some this weekend for my own enjoyment:

Frozen Whiskey Sours
1 12-ounce can frozen orange juice
1 12-ounce can frozen lemonade
1½ cups sugar (or to taste)
5 cups water
3 cups whiskey (or 2½ cups whiskey and ½ cup apricot brandy)
Ginger ale
Mix all ingredients except the ginger ale together in a large bowl, then place in a container in the freezer for 48 hours. The mixture will form a slush. To serve, spoon out slush into a glass, break up with spoon and top off with ginger ale — roughly 1 part slush to 2 parts ginger ale or to taste. Feel free to spike with additional whiskey.

Here's the blog entry on it...if you're interested.

I've Looked at Clouds from Both Sides Now...

2008-08-13T09:45:00.007-07:00

With all that's happening in the world - the Olympic Games, war in Georgia, western aid workers getting bombed in Afghanistan and Paris Hilton entering the presidential race - I figured it was a good time to talk about something pressing and timely.

Like clouds.

Oh - you say - clouds are hardly at the forefront of the news media. Maybe you should pick a hotter topic, like Hugo Chavez or the death of the world's tallest woman.

Contre mon frere!

You see, clouds are cool, anytime. And it's much more than just the cumulus or cirrus - there are some rocking controversial cloud formations out there.

Take the "Lenticular" Cloud (or "lens shaped" for those of you who like plain English). It forms as a result of the wave-like action of moist air as it surfs over mountain peaks and valleys. These clouds are actually the crests of the wave, as it peaks high enough for the moisture to crystallize. They are like the rock-stars of the cloud world - they have their own paparazzi, photographers who scan the skies above mountain peaks everywhere hoping for a glimpse of a Lenticular Cloud hanging with Barak Obama or doing a bowl with Amy Weinhouse...

from here

Then there are "Mamatus" Clouds (and yes, the term is related to mammaries). An email that was circulating a few weeks ago had photos of these clouds taken in Hastings, NE be Jorn Olsen (evidently got a LOT of press for these amazing photos):

There is still a great deal of debate about how mammatus clouds are formed, though many of the theories involve instability and variable conditions within larger clouds. They seem to occur most frequently during the summer, when warm, moist air further destabilizes clouds. There is also some debate as to whether the shape of these clouds (so similar to the breasts of a human female) is offensive to children, and if they should be forced to wear modesty patches.

Then, we have "Noctilucent clouds" (from the Latin night shining). These are late sleepers - they only appear right at dusk, as a result of the low angle of the sun's rays hitting clouds that are very, very, very high in our atmosphere. Like, wow, they can't even get weather balloons that high. Although there have been a number of theories for how they're created, since conventional wisdom says that clouds shouldn't exist at those altitudes, the prevailing theory is related to global warming (which seems to be the catch-all theory of the decade - last decade it might have been deforestation, and the one before that, the Russians).

And, just for fun, here are some more amazing cloud pictures from the web:

A lightning cloud in a ash explosion of a volcano in southern Chile

A massive super-cell thunderstorm in Texas

Called a 'Hole in the Sky' - this is caused by downdrafts.

New Way to Share My Photos...

2008-08-06T11:25:00.003-07:00

So I think I'm gonna switch the way I do my photos to have them hosted by Picasa. Snapfish is wonderful, but too many folks have complained about having to register to view the pics. With Picasa, I can also do some slick stuff like embed photo slideshows in my blog, like this:

You even get to see the captions as you view the slideshow! What a great world we live in!

So - if you're in witness protection, if you're considering copyrighting your likeness and don't want people peeping at it for free, or if you have some other lame reason for not wanting your mug all over the web, better tell me now. Otherwise, you might find yourself pasted all over the internet community.

Off Shore Oil Drilling and Politics

2008-08-04T10:18:00.007-07:00

Okay, so the boys and I got into another delightful political debate over drinks a couple of weeks ago - and I got a little crooked in my craw because they told me I had my facts wrong. Now - I'm all for healthy disagreement, and I know that we had a philosophical "difference of opinion", but when you tell the Queen of Useless Information that her facts are wrong, you better be able to prove it. Otherwise, ugly things happen.

So the issue, as the title hints at, was the fact that the Bush administration (which is currently running in close second to Indymac in my shiteliste) is trying to get Congress to lift the ban on offshore oil drilling. Without going into reasons why I think this is a bad idea, or lapsing poetic on the delightful nuances that is the petroleum industry - my bone here is the reasons why they want to lift this ban. I believe that the Bushies are trying to get their oily grubs on more oil, and make the American people see them as heroes in the process. 'Ah' - they're saying, 'We can bring down the price of oil which is crippling your family and bringing the economy into a pit - all we need to do is get at those vast reserves of oil off our coast and under ANWR!'

But the boys disagree. It's their stance that no one is trying to say that the price of gas will go down - that I was wrong about the tactics of the Republicans.

Well - I must swallow at least one bit of that and admit that my research says that no one in the Bush Administration and the Repulicans in Conress have said that the price of gas will drop if we drill America's oil reserves. They're only hinting at it, implying that it's true and leading people to believe that it will happen - while their "official" stance is that they are aware that it really won't. Yeah. They're not trying to mislead anyone...

Ha - the boys are thinking - this is all conjecture, opinion. It's miss I-know-it-all playing her political side and just making things up. Well, I'll let the readers decide for themselves. Do any of these statements ring of someone trying to convince someone that American oil drilling will help the economy by reducing the cost of oil/gas?

At a welding plant in Ohio, Bush spoke of his desire for Congress to lift the drilling ban:

"Now it's up to the United States Congress to make a decision as to whether or not you're going to continue to face high gasoline prices at the pump,"

"If we're worried about your gasoline price and recognize that it's high because of the price of crude oil, and it's possible to find more oil right here in the United States ... doesn't it make sense to try to find that oil? I think it does."

In his radio broadcast this week, Bush chastised House Democrats for not acting:

"The sooner Congress lifts the ban, the sooner we can get this oil from beneath the ocean floor to your gas tank."

"By opening up new resources at home we can help bring energy costs down."

Senator McCain - who I don't normally like to pan because there are some issues that we used to agree on - in a television ad attacking Obama (as an aside, McCain opposed lifting the drilling ban in his 2000 presidential election, and did not reverse himself until June of this year):

"Gas prices -- $4, $5, no end in sight, because some in Washington are still saying no to drilling in America. No to independence from foreign oil. Who can you thank for rising prices at the pump?"

A Letter from Senate Minority Leader John Boehner to Nancy Pelosi when Congress was discussing the idea of suspending shipments to the Strategic Petroleum Preserve (which I oppose, btw) is a little less subtle:

"...though estimates of recoverable deepwater resources along our Outer Continental Shelf are notoriously outmoded, the 80 billion barrels of oil we believe is there right now would constitute a price reduction several times larger than redirecting oil from the SPR."

Republican Whip Roy Blunt also introduced the Republican plan for helping American's who are hurting from high gas prices, including the bills (from Blunt's text):

"-- H.R. 6108, Deep Ocean Energy Resources Act of 2008 (Week of July 28)Reduces the price of gasoline by enabling the United States to responsiblyexplore its own deep ocean to produce American energy. The bill would grantcoastal states the authority to keep exploration 100 miles from theircoastlines and it would also allow states to share in the revenues received."

-- H.R. 6107, American Energy Independence and Price Reduction Act (Week of July 21)Reduces the price of gasoline by opening the Arctic Energy Slope (ANWR) to environmentally sensitive American energy exploration. Exploration would belimited to 0.01% of the Refuge, and revenue received from the new leases wouldbe invested in a long-term alternative energy trust fund."

Now, I'll let you all do the research on why so many experts believe that this kind of drilling will have little or no long-term effect (let alone short term effect) on the cost of gas in America. And I'll let you all do your own legwork on the Democrats' equally bad idea of draining the Strategic Petroleum Reserve.

And I'll leave you with a happy note, because no one's gonna read my blog if it's even more frustrating than talking to me in person.

How To Steal Gas
A funny sketch about how to steal gas and get away with it. Of course you will need a friend who is about 2 feet tall to pull this off. If gas prices go any higher we might all have to find a friend who is that short. LOL

Indymac the Evil Empire

2008-07-31T15:52:00.003-07:00

Okay, so no pithy wonderful little bits of information to tempt you with today. I'm on a rant again - and this time it's not because of some ecological injustice or asanine government policy... well, not quite anyhow.

This time its because I'm one of the nearly hundreds of thousands of Americans affected by the recent woes of the folks over at Indymac Bank in Pasadena. In case you hadn't been watching the news (like me) and you were taken by surprise (like me) when the bank began freezing people's assets and credit lines... Evidenly there were like 11 days of faltering before the bank crashed. Time during which wise customers pulled something like 1.3 billion in deposits. It's now owned by the FCC. That's not good news. Particularly if the panic spreads to other banks. Interestingly, one reporter noted that even though the bank lost $614 million last year, and $184 million in just the first quarter of 2008, Indymac was not even on the FDIC's list of 90 "troubled banks". There are banks in worse shape out there - some estimates are as high as 150 banks that are in imminent danger of closing in the next 18 months.

And the Bush administration tells us the economy is growing and things look good. Eee gads.

I suppose there is a down side to being the Queen of Useless Knowledge - when the key word is "useless", there are a few important things which slip your mind. Like how phenemonally f*ed up the whole Home Equity Line of Credit (HELOC) thing really is. So, blithely, you listen to the 22 year old selling you the loan, and begin planning for custom cabinetry, soapstone countertops and a 200lb fireclay sink. Ha! At least we're not talking about my checking account, like some of those poor folks in Pasadena. Or my life savings. I'm kinda happy about being a Credit Union customer right about now.

And here's the news that some people are still shouting "This is NOT the bottom". I'm beginning to believe the doom-and-gloom sayers. I think the mortgage crisis is only the tip of a very ugly iceberg that is floating right through the boiling sea of an election year. Hold on to your hats, folks, and make sure you're bootie is well covered. It's gonna be a hell of a ride.

On a lighter note, at least my problems made the Daily Show:

Give it a good watch - it's all good...

Oh, and just because I'm feeling a little evil today:

Bush at his Best | Viral | SPIKE.com

The World is a Very Strange Place...

2008-07-28T09:34:00.002-07:00

Thought I'd share - since it make no sense to me.

More fun to watch...make sure you get past the first minute or so

Salmonella Madness

2008-07-21T15:50:00.004-07:00

People keep asking me: Queen of Useless Knowledge, what's the deal with these deadly tomatoes? Should I fear for my life? Can something as innocuous and sweet as a little tomato, so full of anti-oxidants and helpful amino acids really hurt me?

So, a quick summary of this panic drawn from a variety of news sources and the CDC itself:

The first cases of salmonella caused by a rare strain of the bacteria (salmonella saintpaul) were reported in April - many of them here in the southwest. Since then over 1000 people have gotten sick (one 80 year old cancer patient died - I don't make this stuff up). Officials began tracking their food intake and found many of them had eaten a risky foreign dish called "fresh salsa". Warnings against tomatoes were issued in early June, particularly red, round tomatoes (FDA wording, not mine) and Roma tomatoes - and the hunt for the perpetrators was on. Farmers and distributors were hard hit almost immediately, since tomatoes have a very short shelf life, and it can take weeks to test for the salmonella bacteria. The industry says the advisory has already cost them over $100million. These criminal fruits had to be found.

Tomatoes can become addicted to, I mean contaminated with, Salmonella in one of two ways: either the tomato is immersed in cold, contaminated water and the bacteria enters through the wound where the stem was removed (the "nurture" theory of deviant behavior), or contaminated water comes in to contact with the stem or flower while the fruit is on the plant (the "nature" theory). The bacteria is not just on the skin, so washing the fruit will not remove the contamination. No matter how much bleach you use (ask some restaurant owners - they're trying). You would have to cook your tomato at over 145º for 10 minutes to break the addiction - er -kill the bacteria - and cooks agree that pretty much negates the "fresh" in "fresh salsa".

About 2 weeks after the advisory was issued, experts realized that tomatoes could possibly be innocent in this whole fiasco. The FDA did not lift the advisory, however, since they couldn't prove it to be wrong (of course, they couldn't prove it to be right, either, but the 'reasonable doubt' clause doesn't apply to salad or salsa ingredients - an egregious hole in the bill of rights, if you ask me).

As recently as June 27th, the CDC has been profiling jalapenos, cilantro and serrano chiles as possible culprits. They are known associates of the tomato in salsas and other exotic foods such as burritos, tacos and chalupas. Not to mention that their harvesting pattern more closely fits the outbreak's profile than any tomato. It is possible that salmonella saintpaul is being dealt in Mexican kitchens, farms and processing plants as a way to keep vegetables hooked on illegal substances.

Basically, no one has a freaking clue where these delinquents are getting this stuff, or how they're smuggling it into the usually-bacteria free United States. But the tomato remains on the most wanted list.

Since the outbreak was officially reported in May, according to the CDC's own statistics, there have been an additional 466,000 cases of salmonella not related to the outbreak - 13,000 of which would have lead to the identification of a cause not reported to the public via panicked media presenters. If it is the tomato, than it's 1000 victims constitute .07% of the cases of Salmonella poisoning occurring in this year. That's definitely worth bankrupting the tomato industry over.

But it isn't worth denying me my right to freakin' fresh salsa! Viva la revolucion! I'm gonna have a caprese sandwich, just to show I ain't afraid!

As an aside, salmonella got it's name because it was discovered by veterinary pathologist Daniel Elmer Salmon as the cause of hog cholera. It causes a disease called salmonellosis. You can, in fact, get it from turtles and iguanas. Children in developing countries without the CDC or FDA naturally develop antibodies against the bacteria. Hmmmm.

The Border Fence

2008-07-17T11:54:00.009-07:00

(not-so) Brief rant today, sparked (quite deliberately) by Jasola... But you can't just send me a photo of poor little ungulates trapped on the less-green-grass-side of the freaking border fence and not expect a little steam to build up.

These poor deer will never diversify their genetic pool...where're their civil liberties?

There are sooooo many things wrong with the border fence that I'm having trouble even figuring out where to start. I mean, environmentally, socially, fiscally, feasibly, historically...it's a freaking fiasco on every level. If you think differently I invite you to comment here so I can bash you later.

Environmentally: Most educated people are quick to realize that our little imaginary lines on the landscape don't respond well to the way that natural systems work. Animals like deer, rats, mice, birds, bats and foxes don't know that they live in Sonora, Mexico or Arizona, USA. They just know that there's a patch of habitat they want to inhabit, and now there's a "uncrossable" barrier through the middle of it. Not only does it reduce habitat size, it isolates genetic populations, prevents natural migration patterns and provides a potential physical hazard to animals desperate to cross. The DHS (Department of Homeland Security) had to set aside 19 (yup - nearly 20) environmental laws to build this marvel - just in Arizona alone. So, if you're building a hospital to cure cancer or a school to educate our children, you have to spend the money, do the impact studies and mitigate for damage. If you are trying to keep Pablo from picking your citrus, you don't have to follow any rules. Afterall - he's dangerous - he's here to steal our healthcare and suck our system dry. (Of interesting note is the fact that the DHS has set aside a portion of their budget as "compensation" for the damage done to wildlife by the fence. So when a jaguar buys the million dollar home with his settlement check, you'll know your tax dollars are at work).

First Photograph of a wild jaguar in Arizona (or in the US) - Taken in 1996 - The animals were trying to return to our wild borderlands, but the fence will make that much harder

Socially: Man, where do I even start with this? Creating a barrier like a fence is only going to reinforce that 'we' are separate from 'them', that 'their' problems should not have any affect on 'us', that 'ours' is more important than 'theirs'. So much for thinking globally. This kind of attitude has been the start of nearly every war, ever.

Nothing says "we welcome your masses, yearning to be free" like concertina wire and ditches.

Fiscally: Okay, so lets just say that the over $2billion (yes, with a 'b') price tag is something that is an acceptable cost for "stemming the flow of illegal immigration that is overwhelming our nation". That figure doesn't include maintenance costs, particularly the cost of maintaining a barrier that will be under constant attack by those trying to cross it (see feasibility below), or the maintenance of a structure that is located in the most remote and rugged parts of the borderlands. It also doesn't account for the electronics (or money lost in contracts when electronic fences turn out not to work), or the surveillance of the wall. We're talking about not just $2 bil now, but billions more spread out over the life of the fence. Since we're not looking at actually SOLVING the problem, that could be a really, really long time.

So, this looks kinda doable on flat land - but across the Huachuca Mountains?

Feasibly: Okay, this is linked with history below, but it boils down to two very simple details: First, we aren't building a fence across all 2000 miles of border - only about 500. That leaves 3/4 of the border open. I'm no immigrant, but if I'm in a life-or death struggle and getting to America is my only hope for my children, something tells me I'll find a way on that other 1,500 miles of access. Second, lets say there is a fence that runs every inch of the border, and I (again) am that desperate to cross, I will. I'll tunnel, I'll break it, torch it, blow it up. I'll find a way over, around, through or across it or die trying. Thousands are proving that theory true already as they brave the deadly journey across the desert - and hundreds are dying trying each year. It is what people do, what people have always done when migration is necessary. Which brings me to...

Another great border fence in history - this one in China in 1907

Historically: There has never, ever been a physical boundary that has effectively stopped people from migrating. It might slow them down - true. But these kinds of barriers give rise to amazing feats of ingenuity (the escape tunnel between East and West Berlin), bravery (the Mongols and the Great Wall of China) and determination (Hadrian's Wall). So, we're going to spend all this money, create all of these negative social images, and laugh in the face of logic so we can...slow people down. Mmmm..

Hadrian's wall in England - built to keep those nasty Picts from the refined English-Romans

Seems to me the money, time and energy would be much better spent actually looking for a way to make people want to stop coming here. Good psychology is nearly always more effective than brute force.

Hike of the Month...

2008-07-15T16:29:00.016-07:00

This month's featured hike is in Bryce Canyon National Park in southern Utah. As I mentioned in another post, Bryce Canyon is a gem of the National Park system - less crowded and insane than nearby Zion, Grand Canyon or Yosemite, but still breathtaking and spectacular. It's a park that you can experience in a day, or spend weeks getting to know. And, best of all, it has a number of short, perfectly doable day hikes that get you down into the cool rock spires and formations.

The particular hike I'm featuring in this post uses the Wall Street trail to descend below the plateau rim (Bryce's formation is not technically a canyon). Then you hike along connector trails to the Peekaboo Loop. This brings you back to the connector trail and you ascend the Navajo Trail. The whole loop is around 5 miles, with around 700' of elevation gained and lost over the course of the trip - so it's easy enough to do after a morning of horseback riding and field data collection, and just challenging enough for you to feel like you earned your pie at the Bryce Canyon Pines Cafe.

So, you start out down one of the coolest short trails ever: Wall Street. Begin at Sunset Point down the Navajo Trail, taking the turn for Wall Street when you see it. You'll start immediately down a set of very tightly engineered switchbacks sandwiched between cool rock formations.

The descent is steep, but the trail is smooth so it's not punishing, and at the bottom you get to a cool rock grotto.

There was a landslide down here in 2006 that closed the trail for more than a year, and you can still see some of the evidence of it.

Also at the bottom of this particular formation are a pair of beautiful Douglas Fir trees that have stretched up to get to the sun.

Then the trail daylights to a delightful streambed - usually dry - with fantastic views of some of those cool hoodoo formations you were oohing-and-ahing over at the rim (only now you get to see them from the bottom!)

After about 1.3 miles you come to a junction in a relatively level, park-like area. Here you grab a quick connector to the west which will take you across the Bryce Creek drainage and connect up with the Peekaboo Loop. This short connector is a very easy (maybe) half mile - but still very scenic.

Soon you'll come to a sign for the Peakaboo Loop. You can do the loop clockwise or counterclockwise - it doesn't matter much. The loop is about 3 miles total. Either way, the trail will rise and fall as it climbs in and out of the amazing formations...

...sometimes even through them.

This trail is shared by the trail ride concessioners, so be polite and step aside when the horses approach. Many of these riders aren't familiar with how to handle their animals, and spooking them off the edge would be poor trail etiquette.

About half way around, you'll come to another junction with the Bryce Point trail. Now, you'd like to think that you have options here, if you had the trail map they gave us at the gate. You could hike up to Bryce Point and take the shuttle back to Sunset (during the summer when the shuttle runs), shortening your hike by a little over a mile. You could hike up to Bryce Point and hike back to Sunset along the Rim Trail, adding .7 miles to your hike. Or, you could continue along the loop. However, as the map above shows, the Bryce Point trail has been closed. I guess my whining to Management (or more likely lots of folks whining to management) got the map changed. So, unless they find a way for the Bryce Point Trail to stop eroding into even more hoodoos, you continue on...

There is a toilet at a rest area along the back of the Peekaboo loop. It's there primarily for the use of the trail ride groups, which stop at this corral for their lunch. But if you're in a pinch, it sure beats digging a hole.

So, once you've completed Peakaboo, hike back along the connector to the Navajo Loop and snake your way back up to the rim. This trail is not as "grotto-esque" as Wall Street, but is more of a ridge-hike with fantastic sweeping views and lots of singular formations.

The hike could take you an hour and a half - it could take all day. It depends on how much memory is on your digital camera card and how in-love you are with the contrast of those red hodoos against the crystal clear blue sky. Bryce is a noted Dark-Sky park, which translates during the day to some remarkably azure backgrounds that make your polarizer seem like overkill.

And please. Don't feed the squirrels.

More on the Monsoon...

2008-07-14T14:30:00.007-07:00

So I'm looking out the office window at a wall of water falling from the sky, ducking each time the thunder rattles the plate glass and praying for a prolonged power outage. A particularly fun monsoon storm - hitting as it should right at the point where the afternoon heat was becoming opressive. I'm betting, however, that although I can't see past the gray curtain, that somewhere in town someone is basking in the glorious sun, wishing it would just go ahead and rain already. How can this be? How is that it can be pouring midtown and be scorched and parched in Oro Valley, just a 15 minute drive away?

In a nutshell, it all has to do with how the storms form themselves. Unlike winter storms which blow in on the face of a large-scale weather front, blanketing miles of land with gentle (if sometimes annoyingly persistent) rains, summer monsoon storms are built on-site, one at a time, by a combination of factors more complex than the plot of Lost. Here, does this diagram help?

Yeah, didn't think so. I kinda found it facinating but not very helpful, too. Basically, a summer thunderstorm has a pretty short lifespan. Heat is sucking in all this moisture, it's hitting the landforms all around Tucson (the Santa Catalina Mountains, the Rincon Mountains, the Santa Rita Mountains, even the Tucson Mountains, the Tortolitas and the Sierritas to name just a few). Because the air has to go somewhere, it goes up and we get that whole convective thing going. However, by creating different gusts, rain and movement, the storm sort of seals itself off by changing the very conditions that created it. So it becomes a self-supporting, evolving moster (above). Then it bounces around, not unlike a pinball hitting various kinds of bumpers and obstacles - sometimes even getting swatted back onto the playing field by another, older storm. From beginning to end, the average summer thunderstorm goes from developing to waning in about 40 minutes. Meanwhile, across town, the heat is at it again, only on a different slope in a different part of town. Maybe this one is a gusher, maybe it just fizzles when it gets over a piece of land that the first storm doused and cooled down (now the moisture's on the ground instead of the air, so it can't continue to fuel the storm). It's all a really cool puzzle. Click the weather underground link on the sidebar if you're really into this. You can look at weather stations all over town and see how variable the conditions are.

Now, then there's the storm events like the one on July 31, 2006 that flooded the Santa Catalinas (including Sabino Canyon) as well as slamming the Galiuro Mountains hard. This was not technically a monsoon storm. You wann know more? Well... then I guess you'll have to come back!

This is from the 1983 flood that changed the way Tucson deals with floods...

Ah, the Monsoon!

2008-07-09T09:42:00.012-07:00

Alaska has the aurora borealis, Florida has hurricanes, Denver has winter blizzards, the mid-west has tornadoes and California has earthquakes, forest fires, debris flows, Santa Ana winds and Arnold Schwarzenegger. So what does a supposed barren wasteland like Arizona have to compete with such natural wonders?

Easy: the Monsoon.

Photo by Gene Rhoden

A two to three month long string of hot, humid weather punctuated by often spectacular, occasionally dangerous, always refreshing thunderstorms. Clouds blow into town like wild-west gunfighters: raising dust, cracking with thunder and pelting the land with bullets of water and (sometimes) ice... Then, just as quickly, they're gone, leaving a wake of cooler temperatures, broken tree limbs and muddy stream crossings. It's the reason the Sonoran desert is so much more awesome than the Mojave, it's the key to the existence of the saguaro and the mesquite bosques, and it's the ultimate reward for those who are able to withstand the onslaught of summer from May until July. Snowbirds just don't know what they're missing.

Now, over the years I've been asked a lot of questions about the monsoon. As the Queen of Useless knowledge and a 5th generation Arizona native, people seem to think I must be a repository of information about the nature of weather 'round here. Well, they're right - although I don't claim to be able to predict it. It is the very nature of the monsoon to be unpredictable, and by that I don't mean in the sense of a flaky friend or an unexpected plot twist, I mean 'not able to be predicted'. Those guys on tv are making educated guesses, and I kind of feel sorry for them. Talk about an impossible job.

Monsoon storm over the Rincon Mts.

First piece of important information is that the proper terminology is, indeed, 'the monsoon'. Storms that occur during this time might be called 'monsoon storms' or 'summer thunder storms' or 'hellacious squalls'. There are some who will call the whole season, or any individual storm within it 'the monsoons' - but they are losers. The term 'monsoon' actually refers to the change in wind patterns that brings warm, wet air from the south (either the Gulf of Mexico or the Gulf of California) - not the storms associated with it. This information will help you look super nerdy at parties, and you can always win points calling in and correcting radio dj's who will undoubtedly use the word completely wrong.

So, in a nutshell what happens is it gets freaking hot in the deserts of Mexico and Arizona (and to a lesser degree New Mexico, Nevada and Texas) over the summer, this hot air rises (explained: According to statistical mechanics, where air has greater kinetic energy it has a greater probability to occupy a higher gravitational potential than less energetic air. That is, the system tends toward maximal entropy ......from here). The rising hot air creates a vacuum of sorts, which sucks cooler, moister air from around it - primarily from the oceans to the southwest. Now you've got this cool swirling mass of cooler, moister and thus less stable air over your hotter than hell desert floor. The massive convection current continues and pretty soon that wet air is forced up to where it condenses into rain and viola. Rain. Moisture falling from the sky. Water in the air. 'round these parts, it's a pretty unusual thing... It brings out the worst in people (more on that later).

Interestingly enough, the existence of the monsoon in Arizona wasn't even a universally held truth until the 1990's. It seems that the relatively low population in the area and the respectively low cost of damages associated with these storm systems had created very little interest in finding out why it suddenly gets so rainy in the desert Southwest in late summer. Locals had called this a monsoon forever, but scientists were split. Many thought those dirty-toed Arizona hicks were just tryint to be cool with their talk of "tropical" weather patterns. You see (to get back to semantics and word history - one of my faves) the word 'monsoon' comes from the Arabic word "mausim" which means "season" or "wind-shift". This is because the first recognized monsoon was so much more obvious than ours. In the Indian sub-continent the change in wind pattern is triggered by the heating of the Thar desert. Again, it causes moist, cooler air to be sucked off of the ocean, which is uplifted by the base of the Himalayas, and bam. Rain. Rain like we never even seen before. This process alone is the root of Wendy's #3 life maxim: never live in Bangladesh (not that the monsoon is all Bangladesh has going against it, but it's enough).

The Indian subcontinent (not to make it feel inferior or anything...)

So, folks here were like - yeah, same thing happens here in Arizona - just without the cows floating by. So a climatological study was begun to determine if the pattern was the same, and, as I discussed earlier, a similar pattern was discovered - though the distance of the uplift from the ocean (Sierra Vista ain't exactly coastal), the smaller bodies of water involved and the less dramatic uplift (the Catalinas vs the Himalayas - I know who'd win) make our monsoons a little less wet and scary than those in India. Thank goodness, because I wouldn't want to be living in Tucson if it looked more like Dhaka.

Now, there's a lot more information about monsoons that I'd love to share with you - however because I actually do have a job I'm supposed to work at, and because some of you actually work for a living, too - I'll break this into a series. Today was just monsoon basics. Look for more cool monsoon info tomorrow... Or, if you can't wait, here's a good source that knows almost as much as me (not to mention, it's not half as entertaining).

The Arrival of the Office Chair...

2008-07-02T14:33:00.005-07:00

So we had a little mini-party in our office today because the Office Max truck dropped off 4 rather large boxes labeled as "task chairs". Now, normally the delivery of boxes of furniture would not send an office into throes of extasy, but you have to understand our unique situation. The average age of the desk chairs in our building is only slightly younger than the fall of the Roman Empire, and I am convinced that at least one was the personal plaything of Caligula. They're ugly, uncomfortable, and smell of a mixture of body odor and solvent-based markers. Although the common folk 'round here had been bemoaning their sore backs and ruined white pants for years, there were always other priorities, as well as (I secretly suspect) some misplaced nostalgia for these relics among those with the final approval authority. Some took matters into their own hands and brought in their own personal chairs to avoid hours of torture at the hands of an antiquated piece of foam cusion. Others evolved special spinal muscles that prevented them from falling out of their broken, tilting, broken wheel seats.

Which makes it all the more clear why we brought out the champagne and cheese for the (very surprised) Office Max guy. At last! Salvation! Real chairs, with working wheels and little pneumatic systems that allowed them to be adjusted up and down with the simple press of a lever! Ah, the amazing advances made since the days of flint and stone! Mesh backs to encourage air circulation (air - you mean that stuff that doesn't smell like century-old petroleum-based foam?). They even boasted an even, clean, black fabric that didn't clash with the fabric or the walls, and looked as though it had been originally intended to be black.

We didn't even complain about the assembly or the instructions, which read as though they were written English, translated to Sanskrit through Icelandic and back to English. We fumbled with the confusing array of Allen wrenches, bizarrely shaped bolts and mysterious bits of plastic like kids trying to assemble their own bikes at Christmas. Wait for someone else to do it? Pah! We're designers, right, we can figure this out...

Too bad you all weren't there. It was darned funny.

Easy to laugh, though, sitting here in my new chair. Maybe now I can find some creative things to do with the old ones...

On a completely unrelated note, here are a few links I want to share:

Funny family pictures from a time we all remember too well...

This is a hilarous way to waste a whole day. Try looking at this blog (http://innerstitch.blogspot.com/) with the Sweedish Chef dialect. Read it out loud - loud enough for the guy in the next cube to hear. Come on, I dare you.

Here's a scan from another blog by GlenF with some of those "bad instructions" I mentioned earlier. These are classic. I especially like : "When you waste metal parts, keep away from small children to prevent from some injuries by them". I've always said kids are dangerous - it's about time someone listened.

In the News

2008-06-26T09:46:00.005-07:00

It's all over the news that the US Supreme Court has overturned Washington D.C.'s handgun ban, which is being touted as a major victory for George Bush. Although the ruling was tight (5-4), the wording on the decision has left a lot of room for overturning other stringent gun control legislation - which has gun rights activists thrilled and gun control fans shaking in their boots. Seems the whole gist of the thing is that we are allowed to have guns for "personal defence", and that it's probably hard to defend yourself and your home if you have to un-do a trigger lock, reassemble a gun from different parts or go buy ammunition before you shoot your attacker. Now, I'm not going to use my blog for a soapbox on this issue (ha - bet you thought that's where this was going, didn't you!). Instead, I brought this here as a response to a less significant part of these legal proceedings:

In this article from the Associated press, the last paragraph talks about the reason for the court case in the first place: Washington D.C. gun-rights activists argued that the ban prevented residents from defending themselves in the dangerous DC neighborhoods. The response from the D.C. government was (quoting the article) "The Washington government says no one would be prosecuted for a gun law violation in cases of self-defense."

Um, am I the only one who thinks that there is another problem here? So, it's illegal to own a handgun, to have one in your home at all. If you're found with one just lying around you could be subject to a fine or even jail time. But if you shoot someone with it, well then you're okay as long as it's self defence. This is like one of those stupid rules your parents had when you were growing up that made no sense at all and always felt random when you got busted on it. You remember the one they usually explained with "because I'm the mommy, that's why!".

I think that this whole "well, it's the law, but we don't really enforce it all of the time" thing is all over our country, and I think it's a HUGE part of our problem. Law is law, rules are rules. If you break them, you get busted. "Loop-holes" are how WAY too many criminals end up on the streets in this country. "Yeah, well you see, members of the jury, I had to pop that no- good drug-dealing dude's a#! because he had a gun to MY head. You see I was out of dope..." Yeah - the magic self defence. Now they get off of the murder rap AND the gun charge.

I say we get rid of any law we don't intend to enforce, replace it with laws that make sense and we can make work. There's nothing harmless or innocuous about silly laws - just think, anyone could be arrested at any moment and jailed for having more than one dildo in their house (because the Arizona law doesn't even define what a dildo is).

Now if only the Supreme Court decision had said something like "your law is dumb - make a better one".

The Hunt for the Wild Boojum: Is it Thorny or Spiney?

2008-06-25T11:46:00.010-07:00

There is an interesting phenomenon that occurs when people from more precipitation-prone climes visit the Sonoran Desert for the first time. It usually goes something like this:

Photograph first magnificent saguaro you see

Stand back, tilt head and ponder deeply

Approach slowly, cautiously and:

For some reason completely incomprehensible to those of us raised around these bristly flora, tourists are absolutely obsessed with touching cacti - particularly the saguaro. When I finally found a tourist I felt comfortable enough with to ask, their reason was "to see if it was really sharp and thorny".

Well, duh, says the girl who's pulled cholla thorns out of her dog's tongue. Why do you think they're called thorns?

But are they? Are they really called thorns?

A matter not only for the Queen of Useless Knowledge - but closely related to my hunt for the wild Boojum. Well, maybe not closely, but boojums have "thorns" too, so there is a connection here. And I needed a tidy segue into my next informative piece.

A boojum's spikey, happy branches in the sun (wrl)

You see, there is a fundamental difference between thorns and spines - and it helps to define the defense systems of our desert adapted plants from those of more ostentatious species. A thorn is essential a small, leafless stem or branch.

Thorns on a Rose Bush

So, the thorn is a woody appendage, usually connected to a branch, and not really related to the leaves (except perhaps in it's location, such as the velvet mesquite which has thorns tucked into the junction of the petiole and the stem - a clever and sneaky adaptation).

But a spine, ah, a spine is actually modified leaf. I know, pretty amazing, huh. Perhaps this illustration from Wayne's World Online Textbook of Natural History (hey, I only consult the best sources) will help to illustrate this very important difference:

Ach, see! "A" is a thorn - independent of the leaf and woody(can't you tell from the illustration?). "B" is a spine - actually a part of the leaf growth! Coolio!

So, on my beautiful boojum it gets EVEN MORE INTERESTING! (I know, I didn't think it was possible, either). Unlike other desert adapted plants like the barrel cactus and the prickly pear whose spines are essentially always spines and never traditional "leaves", the plants in the family Foquieriacaea (ocotillo, boojum, tree ocotillo) actually grow a leaf with a long, stiff petiole (the part that connects the leaf to the stem). When the desert is drenched with rain during the monsoons, the leaves sprout out from the succulent stems with amazing speed. Then, when the heat is back on and the plant needs to conserve water, it drops the leaves. But the long, stiff petiole is retained and becomes what botanists call a 'fouquieriaceous' spine. Another illustration from Wayne's World:

Here's a close up on the plant. (come on, tell me this isn't sexy)

From "The Ocotillo and the Boojum Tree" by Arthur C. Gibson

In the photo, the leaf is a second-growth leaf, meaning that the original leaf fell off and left the remaining spine, then the wet season, a leaf regrew from the same spot - this one won't leave a new spine. Nature can be so efficient!

So, now if someone tells you that you have a thorny disposition, you will know they're referring to your stems, not your leaves. It'll ease the sting significantly (at least it does for me).

An image for the individual who requested proof of the intimidating Boojum at the Boyce Thompson Arboretum:

More than 35' of Boojum glory! (wrl)

Also of interest, though not really related.... While searching the web for photos for this post, I came across the web site of a couple that did a self-supported (read tent and hauled food) bicycle trip throughout southeastern Arizona on their tandem with their two-year-old in a little trailer behind them. Amazing stuff - they rode from Tucson through Sonoita to Tombstone and back through Green Valley. With a toddler in a trailer. Them's some admirable, but crazy, folks there.

Brevity...

2008-06-23T17:38:00.006-07:00

Only a few weeks into blogging and already I have complaints on the voluminous quality of my blog entries. I sincerely apologize - it is a challenge to convey all this critical missing information in an appropriately concise manner. In an effort to address this problem, this blog entry will be light.

Interesting tidbits to share:

Somewhere in the world there is a murder mystery novel set at a Renaissance Faire. Cracks me up. "Hear ye, hear ye, mi lords and ladies, pray attend. To the individual who left the rotting corpse at the tourney grounds, please move it so the jousting may commence!"

They're making a new Star Trek movie and Simon Pegg (of Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz) will be playing Scotty. "Och, captain, she's ready to blow!"

Brendan Fraser is coming out with not one, but two corny "blockbuster" action films this summer: Journey to the Center of the Earth and The Mummy: Curse of the Dragon Emperor - all to be followed by GI Joe next summer. It seems that Brendan has embraced his role in the universe as the plastic all-purpose action figure well, is making money hand over fist and probably only occasionally haunted by his occasional job as a real actor (see Gods and Monsters or The Quiet American).

A fond farewell to George Carlin - a brilliant comedian and sharp satirist. Perhaps his seminal work:

And I'll close with a quote from "Wild Geese" by Mary Oliver, because it shows that I actually have a soft side:

Life Lesson #54: The Human Herd and National Parks

2008-06-19T09:25:00.013-07:00

In spite of all of my schooling and years of experience, sometimes I still make gross underestimations of the human herd as it moves through its annual cycles. Like a group of ungulates in search of better browse, the human herd also moves from place to place seasonally, although rather than browse, this group is searching for something much more complex: the ultimate experience. Individual humans instinctively know when and where to locate the herd, and will be inexorably drawn to it by a fear that they may miss out on something really cool and become an outcast. This is commonly seen at the grand opening event of major retail outlets, professional sporting events, beer festivals and space shuttle launches. In the winter, the herd might niblle on great deals on Christmas gifts at the mall, and during the warm months, the herd frequently migrates out to places of spectacular natural beauty, in the hope that they can capture it and take it home on a t-shirt.

My life lesson occurred this time in Zion National Park on a warm Tuesday afternoon in June. Having spent a delightful weekend in Bryce Canyon - just to the northeast of Zion, I thought I could just take a little detour through Zion, check out some important cultural landscape stuff, and head back to the hot desert floor before it got too late. No problem - just an extra couple of hours added to our trip, and I'd get to take in some fantastic scenery along the way. Right?

Wrong, wrong, wrong. My instinct about where to find the human herd must have been turned off, because I usually use it to avoid the crowd. Bryce Canyon, due to the combination of its more remote location and perceived inferiority to its larger cousins Zion, the Grand Canyon and Yosemite, is a relatively quiet park, with only about 1 million visitors per year (compared to the Grand Canyon's 4 million or Zion's 2.6 million). I was lulled into a false sense of security during my time there by the lack of annoying crowds, the relatively unpopulated backcountry trails and the availability of tables at the lodge dining room. The cool temperatures and whispering pines only helped to cover up the sound of my instinct screaming at me that the herd had descended upon Zion to the west.

I should have listened. Zion National Park, with it's proximity to the very convenient Las Vegas International Airport, it's reputation for swimming holes and shady slot canyons, and it's catchy place names like 'Court of the Patriarch' and 'Altar of Sacrifice', had drawn the human herd to it like mullets to a Monster Truck Rally. Literally thousands of people swarmed the canyon floor, armed with digital cameras, aluminum walking sticks and idiotic hats - each one determined to return home with stories that are better than those of their friends and neighbors. People who have not read the post on hiking etiquette. People who will stop their cars in the middle of a busy park road to take a photo of a chipmunk. People who will feed that chipmunk a bit of nut to get a better picture and don't care if that same animal will later chew a hole through my pack to get at my trail mix because it's learned that people mean yummy eats. People who, in general, wouldn't know a quality wilderness experience if it came up and bit them on the nose.

Needless to say, I had a great time.

Add to the crowd the fact that the temperature on the Canyon floor topped 101º that day, the mandatory shuttle buses were un-air-conditioned and subjected to frequent long delays and the fact that the human herd in the park was of the international variety, and you have a recipe for disaster. As opposed to the patriotic herd at the shuttle launches or the soccer mom herd at toy stores during Christmas, the international herd is generally generously seasoned with individuals from Latin America, Asia and Canada, with a special extra dose of my personal favorite: the European. Europeans are characterized by an enthusiasm for long hikes and garlic-laden foods as well as a distaste for bathing or the use of deodorant. Although usually pleasant to deal with one-on-one, being surrounded by (in this particular case) French tourists on a packed shuttle bus for nearly a half an hour in post-centennial heat is tantamount to torture. Yet, myself and thousands of others gladly shuffled aboard for our own little personal rides to hell. All that beautiful scenery all around, and what did I get to see? The armpit hair of a 60 year old in running shorts.

So, what is the real lesson here? We could talk about the carrying capacity of our National Parks, and whether or not systems should be in place to limit the number of visitors present in the park on a given day (thus ensuring everyone who visits has a more valuable experience, and helping to prevent damage to the natural resources parks were created to protect). We could have a debate about the NPS's policy of prohibiting private vehicles in the busier parks (which I entirely support - but there needs to be sufficient shuttle service to adequately serve the number of visitors). There's even a subtext in here about avoiding the bus seat that is under the up-raised arm of a euro-tourist fresh off the Angels' Landing trail.

But I think the real lesson for me was that visiting our wonderful National Parks is best done in the off-season. Though trails may be icy, the historic lodges may be closed and it will be a little less fun to buy an ice-cream cone from the cafeteria, falls and winters will present a Park experience that might just allow one to have that private moment of peace that is better than any photo and encounter a type of nature that far exceeds a road-side chipmunk sighting.

However, if you're the type of visitor that complains if they have to walk more than 3 feet from their car, will rate their whole experience on the variety of double-xl t-shirts in the gift shop or how actually knows many times your child can push the button on the talking display at the visitor center before you get kicked out, then by all means: visit in the summer. You'll fit right in.

Some photos from my trip:

This Weekend's Forecast for Tucson:

2008-06-12T11:30:00.007-07:00

High temperature for Friday: 103º

High temperature for Saturday: 104º

High temperature for Sunday: 106º

Going to Bryce Canyon for the Weekend: Priceless

There are some things money can't buy, and one of them is a forecasted high of 76º. For everyone else, there are Supergulps and Garden Hoses in the back yard. Have a good weekend, suckers!

Here's a great way to use a little water, looks like it might keep you cool, too...

More New Music

2008-06-10T15:21:00.004-07:00

Check out the Reverand Horton Heat. For those of us who are in love with rockabilly, he rocks... For those of you who don't usually like rockabilly, he might change your mind.

He'll be in Tucson July 7 at the Rialto - and I've read that he puts on an amazing, rocking, greasy good time!

What the Heck is Tovrea Castle?

2008-06-06T11:44:00.013-07:00

Recently, I spent a lovely weekend in the Phoenix metro area with friends to celebrate my very auspicious birth. I know, some of you are wondering if it is even possible to spend a lovely weekend in the Phoenix metro area (and others are doubting the auspiciousness of my birth), but there are certainly a number of things that make Phoenix entertaining: professional sports, free dinners with mom, roller-coaster like freeway interchanges and posh clubs (note the plural that sets it apart from Tucson) to name a few.

Although as a second-generation Phoenician I feel that the city has always harbored a habit of bulldozing anything unique or interesting, there are a couple of funky spots that have somehow managed to avoid the dozer's blade. Among my favorites is the weird building that you can see on a small hill to the west of the Loop 202 Freeway between Washington and Van Buren - Tovrea Castle.

(click link for credits)

Now, when I was but a wee desert rat with dirty feet and cactus thorns in my fingers, seeing Tovrea Castle usually meant I was on my way to the zoo, and (as is the case with many dirty-footed, thorny fingered imps) I LOVED the zoo. So the good connotations started there. You see, when I was but a wee desert rat with a sunburned face and grit in my ears (as opposed to the old, wizened desert rat I am today with a sunburned face and grit in my ears) Tovrea Castle (and what is known now as the Carraro Cactus Garden) was still pretty well in the middle of nowhere. True, somewhere was encroaching fast, and on all sides, but there was still a lot of open desert that way, and I'm not even sure those pesky transportation planners had even begun to dream they'd need a freeway out in the middle of it all (unless they foresaw hordes more kids making an exodus for that zoo). In addition to the mystique of a really cool building on top of a saguaro-studded hill near the zoo, there was the whole mystery of why anyone would build something so utterly cool (or so I thought) in the middle of nowhere. I was still being indoctrinated (read brainwashed) as a suburbanite at the time, so I couldn't imagine why you'd want to be out there in the middle of the desert with nothing near by but the zoo (and that boring old botanical garden - why would anyone want to go there?). Why, you'd have to ride your bike forever to get to Thrify for your ice cream. Whoever built the castle must've been a little crazy - perhaps even like a mad scientist or crazed former civil war general missing an eye. It was right up there with finding out who was buried in Hunt's Tomb (hint, his name is Hunt)!

Well, as mentioned earlier, I'm old and leathery now from all the sun, and the city has completely engulfed the magical Tovrea Castle - but unlike many other chunks of desert in the valley, the roughly 46 acres of property around the castle has remained free of Circle-K's and taco shops and the wedding-cake-shaped house on the hill is still a major Phoenix landmark (they call it a point-of-pride). Though the remaining property is only a tiny portion of the original spread that accompanied the house, what is preserved paints a picture of early development in Phoenix and the kinds of people it took to make it out in the arid nowhere (or a picture of the kinds of crazy you had to be to live that far from a Thrifty Drug in 1930's Phoenix).

So, repeating too much of the history which is already readily available through the City of Phoenix website... This slightly crazy Italian-turned-San-Francisco business man Carraro moves out to Phoenix and purchases roughly 277 acres of creosote flat near the base of the Papago Buttes. His vision was for a sparkling desert resort, thick with cactus gardens and lush desert vegetation. Beginning in 1928, he designed and built an Italianate mansion which was to be the centerpiece of the resort, with a tiered design and crenelated walls. He put a Russian immigrant, Moktachev, to do his gardening (because no one could plant saguaros like a Russian, evidently). In true Arizona style, however, surrounding land uses negatively impacted his dream. Cattle and sheep farms, meat packing plants and unruly neighbors drove Carraro to sell the property to another wealthy family, the Tovreas. No mad scientists or civil war generals - just some disappointed developers. It may not be equal to the overactive imagination of a certain ten-year-old, but that's Phoenix.

Carraro Cactus Gardens during Restoration

The Tovreas (or more accurately, one crazy old lady) lived in the property until the death of the family's reclusive matriarch in 1969. Then the property was vacant until the City of Phoenix purchased the house and the immediate few acres in the early 1990's. (My dad always said that my grandfather owned briefly during that 20 years. I sorta figured he was full of it, but it made for a cool story to tell on the school bus ride to the zoo). Then the race was on to buy the rest of the land before the developers put mega-lo-marts on it. Bit by bit the city acquired all the taxpayers would permit them to until it had the current 43 acres. (Note in the aerial photo how sensitive surrounding development was to the historic context...a freeway, apartment complexes and several distribution warehouses. Hooray for zoning.)

The City of Phoenix originally bought it hoping to turn it into a park where we could all play among the cacti and learn about our not too colorful history, but there were several problems. First, the reason that the land had been little more than creosote flat when Carraro got there was because it couldn't naturally support the denser, upland Sonoran vegetation he was looking for (such as mesquites, blue palo verdes, and most importantly saguaros). Although we (yes, me too) love planting these species in the lowlands, they usually occur on mountain slopes where they get a little more precipitation than in the flat valleys - and Phoenix is a very flat valley. Have you seen many true valley saguaros? They usually look awful. Even though the castle is on a small hill, there were no arborescent cacti present prior to development - which means that the conditions aren't right for saguaros naturally. So, once the gardens were abandoned and additional water was no longer available, the plants began to decline. No one wants to picnic among dying saguaros and tree snags (with the possible exception of the Addams Family, and I'm pretty sure they live in Southern California), and some of the plants were even dangerous (sorry, Mrs. Smith, a saguaro fell on little Timmy during our field trip to Tovera Castle. We sent him to the nurse.) . Then there was the wood frame and stucco house - which I have heard from rumors was never well built in the first place (hooray for building codes). Of course the rumors also said that the house was haunted, but that would only increase its appeal for many visitors...

Saguaros in their happy place (near Picacho Peak)

A saguaro in a less happy place (click link for credits)

So, the tireless folks over at City of Phoenix have restored the gardens, tending to the sick saguaros like patients in a sanitarium, and are in the midst of restoring the building for tours. The current schedule calls for the building itself to be open for tours in 2009 - only forty years after the last inhabitant quit the premises. No doubt I'll line up with the rest of the saps and pay my dollars to see what the inside of that fascinating structure really looks like. It'll be money well spent after a lifetime of curiosity - and who knows, afterwards, I might even go to the zoo.

Cool Stuff from My Garden

2008-06-05T14:51:00.008-07:00

Not as much time to post today as usual, or maybe I'm just feeling lazy. Actually, it's probably just that I feel like all this effort on my blog is a bit wasted since like two people are reading it, and they're only doing it to humor me. Go ahead, prove me wrong.

I planted an artichoke in one of my 1/2 whisky barrels early last fall. It grew like a weed and earlier this spring I harvested several small artichokes. The were a bit bitter, I think because I left them on the plant too long hoping they'd get bigger. I think that's probably the trick with this plant, since there is very little change from early budding to ripeness. Artichokes, like most plants, are mute, so they can't tell me when their sexual organs are ready for me to chop off with a sharp knife and plunge into boiling water... Probably wouldn't share, even if they could, hu?

For those of you who don't know this, when you're eating an artichoke - like broccoli and cauliflower - you're actually eating the flower bud. However, unlike broccoli and cauliflower (which are in the cabbage family) which send of literally hundreds of little tiny blooms off of their buttery tasting stalks, the artichoke (in the thistle family) is one massive bloom. After eating the first few of my harvest and feeling somewhat disappointed, I let my artichokes go to check out what this massive thistle would look like. It's reported to be quite pretty, and makes a charming dried flower according to Martha. This morning I was treated to this:

It's about as big as a medium-sized grapefruit. The other three buds on the plant are getting ready to go, too. Even though it made me late for work (and that never happens, honest), I stopped to capture it's purple glory. Admit it, you're jealous that I have one and you don't. There's just no way you could be as cool as I am.

Because this site is all about the useless information, I did look up a few things for you... The artichoke is relatively low in nutritional value per pound - the average artichoke yields only 25 calories (but that's before the butter or aioli I can't imagine not dipping them in). Though it's quantity of various vitamins per-pound is high, especially vitamin C and potassium, you have to work pretty hard to get at it, and you'd have to eat a number of the prickly buds to hit your average daily allowance. It's also difficult to grow retail-quality artichokes: yields per acre are low and it isn't well adapted to the climate of the United States anywhere except California (where, evidently, everything white people like to eat can be grown). Evidently the folks over there take it pretty seriously, though. They devoted a whole Advisory Board to it.

California Artichoke farm. Just another way that man is modifying the earth to produce tons of exotic fruits far from their native habitat.

A tip for cooking these buggers that I got from Alton Brown... Submerge the bud in salted, boiling water, and place some sort of weight over the top to keep then from bobbing to the surface. Not allowing air access to the green part of the artichoke during cooking keeps them from turning all brown and smelling bad. You can tell it's done when a knife inserted in the base slides in without any effort on your part. Don't worry, after 20 minutes submerged in boiling water, even you would be too dead to complain about a knife in your bum.

The disadvantage of letting my artichokes go to seed is that it is in the pot I wanted to put a tomato in. The tomato is still in a nursery can and is struggling. The season of these two plants overlaps too much, and they should be planned for different parts of the garden - at least out here in the desert.

Click here to see a video of a crazy guy who made an ocarina out of a big broccoli stalk. Crazy stuff out here on the web.

Trail Etiquitte For Dummies

2008-06-02T15:30:00.013-07:00

Alright - now, I know that not everyone is as wonderfully brilliant as your trusty little backcountry maven here, but really. Proper trail etiquette is really just a matter of common sense, courtesy and forethought that helps everyone to maximize their ability to enjoy the hike. Here are a few general guidelines to keep in mind when you put your boot to the trail:

People coming up-hill have the right-of-way: Although it may not seem to some that the laws of physics apply to them, momentum is a very real force and the perception of momentum is a very real psychological tool. When you're sweating up a hill - particularly when you have a heavy pack on - you don't want to loose your momentum (real or perceived). Being younger, faster, or better dressed does not exempt you from this rule - in fact, it doubles the penalty. Step aside and salute those who are working harder than you.
Respect the expanded personal-space: There's a reason some crazy folks choose to drive out to the trail head and walk for hours on end, and it isn't just because it gives us a reason to buy some killer shoes. For some of us, we feel an almost unquenchable urge to escape the oppressive crush of people that defines our everyday lives. So, it logically follows that when we're out there attempting to reconnect with a more natural population density, we don't want to have strangers riding our bumpers (friends are okay). Give it a little space, dude. This holds doubly true if you're in a chatty mood, if you are accompanied by child under the age of 18 or if you smell like Mango body butter. (Noted exception: on especially crowded segments of trail, required personal space may be contracted for the sake of convenience - but conversation is to be limited to the condition of the trail, a debate over the pronunciation of Teva or the correct way to punish squirrel-feeding tourists.)

There is just about the right amount of space between the photographer and the next group on the trail here on the Tonto in the Grand Canyon

Trail cutting is just plain stupid: Somebody, at some point, decided the trail should follow a certain alignment, and it is highly unlikely that you know more about trail design than that person (unless you're me, Justineoo or Steve Anderson). It may not seem logical to you as you're ploughing through the universe, oblivious to things like erosion hazards, sensitive plantings or really cool vistas. In fact, the design may seem unnecessarily easy, and 'wouldn't it be easier just to trample this poor little flower in my pursuit of a faster up-hill record'. Do the natural world and other hikers a favor: follow the creator's little path, no matter how silly or simple it may seem. Not only might you save the trail crew a little work down the road or prevent the death of the last Ajo Lilly on the mountain - you may give the trail designer a needed ego boost. (If you find yourself frequently desiring to cut the trail or if you are regularly frustrated by trail design, I recommend off-trail hiking. Try it blindfolded with your right hand duct-taped to your abdomen. Give yourself a real challenge, you ambition junkie. Or, better yet, become a landscape architect.)

Let Hiking Dogs Hike: The proper way to approach a dog on a trail is with a cheery disposition and a general 'I don't care' attitude. This will accomplish a number of things. If the dogs are friendly, they'll approach you and gift you with slobber and tail wagging (perhaps even a nose to the groin, if you're lucky). If they're not, they'll walk right past you because you are not presenting a threat to them or their human pack mates . If you hate or fear dogs, then it is much more likely that the dog encounter will be brief and painless. Practicing any of the following alternatives could result in a less desirable encounter, including barking, biting, and possibly even a walking stick in the eye: waving hands frantically, running up to the dog with your face at nose level, shouting (especially "control your dogs"), screaming, running or siting any form of leash law out loud. (Note to dog owners: keep an eye on your pooch friends - it's easier to remove a chunk of cholla from their paw then their mouth, which is where they'll put their paw just after getting cholla in it. Careful watching helps other times, too, but the cholla thing is big. Trust me.)

Share the trail with other users: Equestrians, mountain bikers and even OHVers use many of the same trails as hikers. Of course, this completely sucks for everyone involved, but is a necessary byproduct of some people having strange hobbies (what's wrong with walking for pete's sake). Etiquette says that hikers should step to the side of the trail and allow these deserving, honest folks to pass and enjoy their day. That's all well and good, but if I'm gonna automatically yield right-of-way like a second-class trail user, then I want something in return. Equestrians should clean up after their horses or find a way to keep their animals from crapping all over my walking surface. Mountain bikers should have to replace all of the rocks that they break loose as they tear up a steep slope. And those OHVers should be required to use vehicles that emit no more carbon and noise than I do after a dinner of dehydrated tuna and broccoli. After all, we all just want to 'leave no trace', right?

Wow, hiking maven, this has really enlightened me! I want to go hiking and practice what I've learned! Well, young padawan, watch for my 'hike of the month' blog that I may or may not write in the near future. If you're really desperate, check out this really awesome hike in Zion National Park. The good part starts a ways down the page (or up the trail, however you look at it).

My Hunt for the Wild Boojum...

2008-05-29T11:58:00.018-07:00

Part One of a series of indeterminate length which examines my enduring dream to encounter the Wild Boojum. The purpose of this series is to examine how and why I have come to seek this elusive and fantastical plant.

Yes, for those of you who haven't already listened to me prattle on about this or who are not arid lands succulent afficionados, the Boojum is not some mythical creature out of a Lewis Carroll story (though it's the origin of the name) or a character in another absurd Saturday morning television show. It is a plant, or more specifically, a tree in the in the family Fouquieriaceae which includes the more ubiquitous (but no less facinatingly bizarre) ocotillo. It has a fat, fleshy, whiteish trunk with numerous black or brown spots which is adorned along its whole length with short stout and thorned branches with little tiny leaves on the end. The plant is wider at the bottom than the top, except when it blooms - when it's crowned by a crazy mass of flower-spikes that resemble a fuzzy orb. It's spiky, spiny and generally described as "angry", "upside-down" or "unfriendly" by outsiders.

How could I help but love it? It's like the plant kingdom version of me!

Me and a baby boojum (tamed garden specimens)

Now, like I said ealier, boojums are a tad elusive for a plant. However I do have an advantage. Unlike a reclusive species of lizard, or the infamous man-that-cooks-dances-and-fixes-your-car, I can both outrun and outsmart a boojum. As adaptive as they are, boojums haven't figured out how to run and hide under a rock or pretend they're gay to fend off unwanted marriages. Once I get close to one, it's pretty well caught - and only a moonless nightfall, a total solar eclipse or accidental blindness will prevent me from witnessing the wild boojum in all it's bizarre, pokey glory.

Ah, you say, so why this mysterious "hunt"? Just go find one already. Don't they have one at the UofA, or did they let those evil Californian landscape architects rip it out? Well - I am a big fan of the Krutch Garden Boojums - even signed the petition and showed up at the rally to save them (with a sign that read "Don't Hate Me Just Beacuse I'm Spikey"). I've seen Boojums in captivity in three states and Sonora, Mexico (kinda like another state only funner), I've seen little tiny boojums and the tallest and most imposing boojum in the United States (at the Boyce Thompson Arboretum near Florence -and yes, even a succulent can be imposing). I even have a boojum specimen growing in a clay pot in my back yard. It's a bit like watching the polar bears at the Tucson Zoo, though. Sure, they're really cool and unusual and they offer more entertainment than the lilies or the tree frogs - but it just isn't the same as the thrill of seeing a live, breathing polar bear surrounded by the ice and snow of its native habitat (not that I've seen a wild polar bear, but I can just close my eyes and imagine that it's cooler than seeing one in a tidy-bowl blue kiddy pool). So, I want to see groves of wild boojums, surrounded by the rocks, sticky shrubs and blistering sun rays of its natural environment. I want a 360degree boojum experience, and I don't want fences, rope barriers, two-year olds or interpretive signage to get in my way!

A capive boojum near Bahia Kino, Sonora. Pobrecito

Wild boojums occur only on in Baja Sur Mexico and one tiny costal point on the Sonora side of the Baja gulf. This is what makes them such a challenge to see - they only exist in a place that isn't super easy to travel to, and that I've yet to get! I've tried to reach the point in Sonora - but that's a story for another time (aye yae yae - travel in Me-heee-co!). Until then, the hunt for the Wild Boojum will not be deterred...

Watch for more boojum posts in the future including: Is it Thorny or Spiny? A Boojum by Any Other Name... and How to Raise a Boojum (or Don't Kill Me with Kindness)

Fellow boojum hunters

The Japanese Art of Ear Sex

2008-05-27T10:14:00.010-07:00

To start off, thanks to Heidi and Dennis for their introduction to this fascinating and potentially erotic subject.

You see, Heidi-ho and Denner were kind enough to cook me a fabulous dinner on my very auspicious birthday (princes among men, I tell you), and even went a little further in purchasing me a neatly packaged, hooked bamboo stick with a fish on the end: a mimikaki stick. Mimikaki is a traditional Japanese grooming technique in which you use a bamboo stick to remove the cerumen from your aural canal.

For those of you who don't keep your dictionary handy, this boils down to ear wax removal. And, evidently, the Japanese find it very sexy.

Although this could be easily explained by the medical fact that somewhere along the line of genetic evolution, Asians and Native Americans have developed a dry, flaky ear wax that is easily removed with the use of a simple picking motion. Or, one could take the approach even further back and talk about how all other primates use grooming (including earwax and nasal discharge) as a social activity to communicate everything from affection to dominance.

Or, you could just say that some societal groups have odd fetishes and mating rituals. Case in point: text-messaging.

Although mimikaki is practiced in the home - mom might clean out baby's ear, little girl may be asked to help grandpa with his itchy ears - the highest form of the art is generally agreed to be practiced by mimikaki salons. Traditionally, this involved well-to-do business men resting their heads in the laps of attractive young women who then use a variety of techniques - including the all-important bamboo stick - to clean out their flaky ear canal build-up. It seems these treatments often end with a massage, in an effort to bring a sense of total psychological well-being. Newer salons include mini-cameras and television monitors where you can view the state of your ear canal and watch your attendant's work.

New lines of high tech mimikaki equipment will even allow you and your loved one to practice this sexy grooming ritual at home - because the only thing better than looking at your ear wax on the q-tip is seeing it built up inside your head. Talk about psychological well-being.

Thanks, Heidi and Dennis. Watch for the future "how ear wax changed my sexlife" post.

In related but perhaps less useful news, many species of whale also have ear wax build-up. It seems that not only does it help their hearing, but it is deposited in distinct layers over the life of the animal and can be used (upon the poor whale's demise) to determine its age. Maybe whale mimikaki will sprout up as a new discipline, as female whales fight to stay looking and feeling younger...(or do you suppose that young whales would find ways to add layers of wax so they could buy fermented krill juice?)...

Oh, and you really can't miss this hot tune from the unreal Audiology Songs.

Gogol Bordello

2008-05-22T11:05:00.006-07:00

Great band that's been around for a while but I'm just getting to know (thanks to my indie music guru Justinioo). Awsome energy - I'm told they're amazing in concert. I like to think of this band as being a little similar to Flogging Molly in that they take a traditional sound and mix it with punk/rock/whatever...only think Eastern Europe and increase the proportion of zaniness... Their music's pure fun - it's been described as: "a bit like The Clash and The Pogues having a fight... in Eastern Europe."

WARNING: if you are a serious, melancholy or stuffy person, don't listen to this stuff. It will be bad for you. You'll hate it. If you don't consider yourself serious, melancholy or stuffy and you still hate this music, you probably just don't have fun taste and you should take the day off and go miniature golfing. Or better yet, watch Hudson Hawk over and over until you think it's funny. Booze will probably help.

And something more traditional:

Makes me want to go to a Zsa Zsas concert.